Learning To Breathe
by di311
Summary: Post HighFidelity. Ashley returns from England with a secret.
1. Learning to Breathe

Chapter 1: Learning to Breathe

Post High-Fidelity. Ashley returns from England with a secret. "Learning to Breathe" is property of Switchfoot.

_Hello, good morning, how you do?  
What makes your rising sun so new?  
I could use a fresh beginning too  
All of my regrets are nothing new  
So this is the way that I say I need you  
This is the way that I'm  
Learning to breathe  
I'm learning to crawl  
I'm finding that you and you alone  
Can break my fall  
I'm living again, awake and alive  
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies_

In just under a year, Ashley Kerwin's life had changed more than she had ever thought was possible. Being in another country for the entire transformation had made it seem more fitting and somewhat more comforting. But now she was back in Toronto where her friends and most of her family were. Only her mother knew the details of the secret she had kept while living in England.

Now it was time to let everyone else in on it. Especially the one person who's life it would also change the most. She had seen them all last week at graduation. But she was nowhere near ready to tell any of them. Not even when Ellie had asked about Ali the day that the two girls were reunited and catching up at Degrassi. The truth is, there was no Ali. That wasn't entirely true. There _was_ an Ali, but he was just some guy she met at a festival and they went on one date before she decided against seeing anyone. She decided that she would make it seem as if she was in a relationship with him after she found out the fateful newsas a reason for everyone to be mad at her for staying, especially _him_.

She'd hoped they would all just forget about her, in her mind they would soon have to anyway. At least now she had a legacy to leave behind in her place.

When Ashley first found out she had Leukemia in what was supposed to be a routine check up her first month in England, she _wanted_ to die. It was the worst news she had ever received in her life and rather than go through the pain that she knew was ahead for her and those that cared about her, she had made a decision that it wasn't worth it. She would die anyway, so why not sooner while she still had some dignity left.

But then she found out something else. Something that made her wake up each morning and pray that it wouldn't be her last. Something that made her hate fate for being so cruel and so generous at the same time. In a matter of weeks she felt as if she had been handed a tragedy and a miracle. But the latter just made it that much harder to know that her chances of being around to enjoy it for long were slim.

Now the type of Leukemia she was diagnosed with was chronic rather than acute, so it wasn't attacking her at full force yet and the doctors weren't exactly sure how much time she would have left But she figured that with having any kind of cancer meant that it could get worse at any moment. So after finding out all of these things that were bound to change her life forever, Ashley arrived at the standard stage that most who find out that their time is limited inevitably reach.

She looked at everything as if it was her last time. Her father and Chris. The rain, clouds, and lightening that fill the sky when it storms. The times that the sun came out she would always make sure to go outside a few times a day to close her eyes and feel the warmth and smell the freshness of the air. Of course, she went out when it was raining a few times too, because who doesn't like to run around in the rain and splash in puddles? She started playing the keyboard and singing again afraid that one day she might be too weak to do so.

Eventually, she felt as if something was missing and she knew that she had some unfinished business. She had known the entire time that she would have to go back. So, she figured her old classmates graduation was as good of a time as any to return. She did miss her family and friends and thought it would be nice, though bittersweet, to see them graduate, but there was one person that she had to see and work things out with. She just hoped that he would have an open mind about what she was going totell him.

Ashley woke to the familiar sound she had come to anticipate every morning between six and seven a.m. She wondered how the heart can swelland break at the same time. How one person can feel so fragile and so complete all at once. But there was not nearly enough time to ponder these unanswerablequestions. She had a life to live, for as long as she was allowed to continue living it.

_Hello, good morning, how you been?  
Yesterday left my head kicked in  
I never, never thought that I would fall like that  
Never knew that I could hurt this bad  
I'm learning to breathe  
I'm learning to crawl  
I'm finding that you and you alone  
Can break my fall  
I'm living again, awake and alive  
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies_

**A/N I realize I am being very vague in this chapter and holding out one very important piece of information…that's on purpose! ) All will be revealed in the next chapter! All chapters following will also be longer, this is essentially just a teaser to get it all started. Please let me know what you think: )  
**


	2. Changes

**A/N: My timeline: Ashley left mid-june (gdtr) and returns (hf) late may. Oh yeah and for the purposes of my story, the Jimash kiss didn't happen, it's just not gonna work in here so I'm omitting it :-P. "Changes" property of David Bowie.**

Chapter 2: Changes

She decided that today would be the day. So after going through her (still new) standard morning routine, to be sure she wouldn't back out, she picked up her cell phone, hit speed dial '1', and quickly thought of exactly what she would say before the phone connected her with Craig's. She had not removed him from his spot on her phone's speed dials. She wasn't quite sure why, but liked to blame it on laziness. After listening to three complete rings and mentally preparing a message, his voice came from the receiver and into her ear and she became so nervous that she wondered how in the world she would be able to speak to him in person and tell him everything that she knew she had to.

"Ashley?" Evidently he had not taken her from his cell's phonebook either. This helped her to relax a little. Although the clear surprise and confusion in his voice at receiving a call from her for the first time in a year was a little disarming.

"That's me. Okay, I would love to do the dodgy small talk and pretend like I called you for no reason but there's just no time for that. I have to talk to you in person, and it's really important, so can you stop by my place some time today?"

This particular speech is not the one she planned. Not even close. But, it was efficient and to the point so she decided that she really didn't care. Life's too short, right? People don't say what they mean enough anyway. She mentally braced herself for his reaction.

"Uh, yeah I guess. This is really weird, though, Ash. Is everything okay?"

Ah the magic question. She didn't want to scare him off, but there was no point in lying.

"Honestly, not really. But it will be. Just…when do you think you'll be here?"

She knew that panic started to creep its way into her voice. She really didn't want to freak him out any more than he should be, but some things just can't be controlled. If anyone has learned that lesson, it was Ashley. She is currently living that lesson.

"Well, I just need to throw on some decent clothes and I can be there in like ten minutes. You're really freaking me out though."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'll be waiting, okay? Promise I'll clear everything up. See you in a few."

"Yeah, okay. See ya."

Ten minutes. Now she had ten minutes to figure out exactly how to tell someone that you once thought you would marry that even if it was still something you both wanted to do, it might not be possible anymore. Because you might be dead before that can happen. And after they get over that, you have to tell them one other thing that will definitely shake things up, and change life as they know it. Ten minutes was not enough time, but neither was a lifetime.

When she opened the door she could tell he ran most of the way to her house. His face was a little more pink than usual, and his breath was coming out in short little gasps. Her breath was doing the same, not because she was physically running, but her heart sure felt like it had done a few laps.

"Hey, come in. You can take a seat on the couch if you want."

Her voice was coming out much calmer than even she thought was possible. She led him to the living room where she had classical music playing on the stereo a little too loudly for conversation, but she didn't move to turn it down. As a result he was looking at her a bit incredulously.

"You sounded way freaked out on the phone, and now you're acting like I came over for tea or something. What's going on, Ash?"

He wanted her to be straight out like she was on the phone earlier. That was better. She had been starting to regress into avoiding the inevitable, but he brought her back to reality. Tear the band-aid off.

She sighed, paused for a minute and then took a deep breath. "Okay, I don't really know how to say this or how it's usually done with other people. But I guess there's no good way, so I'll just say it. I have cancer, Craig. Leukemia to be exact."

She could tell he should have taken her advice on the couch. The gasp-y breathing returned and he looked at her like she was supposed to say "Just kidding!" at any minute. She did not. She just kept staring back at him and tried not to cry. This was the first time she had actually told someone herself. Her dad found out from her doctor. Her mom was told by her dad. She's never actually had to say the words to anyone who didn't already know. And she had to start with Craig. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all.

"What? Ash, what are you talking about? You can't have cancer. You're never sick. That doesn't make any sense." His voice was shaky and she could tell her was in shock.

Interesting. That's pretty much the same thing she had said to her doctor. It really was ironic that someone who was so healthy can suddenly be so unhealthy. Maybe that's one of the warning signs.

"Look, I know. It's strange and it's hard and it's completely unfair. But it's true. I assure you it's real. I wish it wasn't, believe me."

Now he moved to the couch to sit. He ran his hands through his hair which she noticed was shorter than he usually wore it.

"Well, how many doctors have you gone to? I mean, you've gotten a second opinion, right? Cause, you never know…"

Now she did start to cry a little. He was trying so hard to find a loophole. But she had been through that and back again. There were no loopholes, this was it.

"It's been almost a year, Craig. I've been to a few doctors. There's no mistake."

She had a feeling the length of time she has known would surprise him. She was right. He quickly looked up at this. She also had a feeling it would anger him. This assumption was also correct.

"A year! You've known for a year and you tell me now? Is that why you stayed in England? What did you think we'd all just forget about you?"

She wondered how it was he could know her so well. She moved to join him on the couch.

"Yes, it's why I stayed. I just couldn't handle everyone and all the sympathy and pain. I didn't know how much time I had and I didn't want to mess up everyone's life. But, there's something else you should know." Ashley took another deep breath. She sure did need a lot of breath for this conversation.

"…That guy I met? I was never with him. I made that up so you guys wouldn't wonder why I stayed. I'm sorry. I just couldn't handle everything."

He looked up at her again at this. But just blinked a few times and looked back down.

"You would think that might make me feel a little better. And for some reason, it kind of does. Then again I'm a little mad that you lied. I wish you would've told me then though. You know I would've been on the next plane out no matter why you said you didn't want me there. But you probably knew that and maybe that's why you didn't tell me."

She was about to say something at this when he continued before she could.

"But, Ash?"

She could see that he was really starting to get upset now too. Which made her even more upset.

"Yeah?"

She had actually seen Craig cry more than any other man in her life. But it never became any easier. Especially when, however directly or indirectly, she was the reason he cried.

"How much time do you have?"

It was a simple enough question. She wished she had a simple answer.

"Honestly, I don't know. The type of leukemia I have is chronic myelogenous so it doesn't move as fast as the acute forms, which is good. Most of my treatments had gone well and I feel really good right now. But, I have a bit of a unique situation…"

There was his confused face again. She knew this part had to come, but she couldn't decide if it was harder or easier to do. Before he could speak she continued.

"There's one last thing I have to tell, well, show you. This one isn't really easy either but I promise it has nothing to do with sickness or death, so please just try to bear with me…"

At this Ashley got up and walked into another room. Craig sat dumbfounded and was clearly preparing himself for the worst, again. Before he even saw her, Ashley's voice drifted back into the room.

"Okay, there's someone I want you to meet."

Before he had time to form a real reaction she reappeared in the room not with anyone following her, but rather with a tiny, wriggling baby in her arms. The baby's head was turned towards Ashley's body and it grasped her shirt with its tiny left hand. It had a full head of brown hair that was forming small curls at the ends. As Ashley continued to walk closer to the couch, Craig bolted up off of it and onto his feet.

"You…is that your baby?"

She had to laugh a bit at this. She knew this would be his reaction. Ashley affectionately looked down at her baby girl as she said her next words.

"Yes. She's mine." She brought her face back up so she could meet Craig's eyes. "She's…your's. She's our baby, Craig."

And there is the gaping open mouth look she had been waiting for. For a good twenty seconds, Craig just stood with the same expression on his face looking from her to the baby and back. Finally, he spoke. Albeit, not very well.

"Mine? What? How? Um, what?"

So his verbal skills had gone out the window. Luckily, she had anticipated this. Nervously, she stumbled out her explanation.

"I found out I was pregnant a few weeks after I found out about the leukemia. The symptoms are a bit similar so I really had no clue about the pregnancy until they had told me that one of my blood tests came out unusual. I think it must have happened the day I left for England. Anyway, I know you must be even more upset with me for not telling you about this but they originally thought the pregnancy would complicate the cancer further and they really weren't sure if both the baby and I would make it, even when she was ready to come out and I was in labor. And I just didn't want you to lose another person from your family."

He had finally closed his mouth, but she could see that he was still confused and upset by his furrowed brows.

Craig sat once again on the couch, more out of necessity than preference.

"How could you not have let me be a part of that. I've already missed out on seeing her grow in you. And being there when she was born. How old is she anyway?"

Ashley sat right next to Craig so that the baby's head was right next to him. He looked a little scared, but mostly amazed by her.

"Nine weeks. Just over two months. I know I can never make up for making you miss her birth and I'm so sorry for that, but if you want you can be there for the rest of her life."

He looked up at Ashley as if she had said the most ludicrous thing he had ever heard.

"Are you kidding? Of course I want to be there for her. God, Ash…this is just so…I can't believe she's mine. We have a baby."

Ashley truly smiled for the first time that day.

"Yeah, we do. Her name is Julia. Julia Ashley Manning. I figured I'd give her a part of me since I may not be around for much of her life."

At the sound of his mothers name Craig looked surprised and ecstatic, but his mood faded at Ashley's last words.

"Don't say that, Ash. You can beat this, you have to, for her…for me." His last words were barely audible and more mumbled than spoken as he looked down to the floor. He quickly glanced back up, beaming. "I can't believe you named her after my mom. Thank you for that."

Julia made a small noise that made them both look at her. She was still sleeping soundly in Ashley's arms.

"Here, do you want to hold her?"

It was actually more of a statement than a question because even as Ashley spoke she stood up in front of Craig to place Julia in his arms.

"Oh, wow I…okay."

He looked really nervous but as soon as the baby was in his arms he visibly relaxed. The movement of switching the arms that cradled her had caused Julia to wake and she opened her eyes. Craig tensed a little, thinking that she might cry but instead she just examined the new face she was being introduced to. He smiled as he stared into the wide, blue-grey eyes of his daughter. She looked so peaceful and innocent. His smile grew when he moved his hand to touch her much smaller ones and she clutched one of his fingers.

Ashley looked on and smiled at the father-daughter bonding moment. She moved to sit at Craig's side once again.

They sat that way for a while, just the three of them. Ashley and Craig were aware that there were going to be many complications and they had much to work out, but that could all be dealt with later. For the moment they just enjoyed being a family.


	3. Seems Uncertain

Chapter 3: Seems Uncertain

"Seems Uncertain" property of 311.

Ashley was sleeping soundly when suddenly she was disturbed by the loudest scream she had ever heard followed by equally loud crying. She flew out of bed in a panic within seconds of opening her eyes realizing that the screaming was coming from her baby. When she got to the crib Julia was flailing her arms and legs as she continued to cry. When Ashley reached down to touch the baby's forehead she knew that a fever was most definitely the cause of the screaming. By the time she was taking Julia out of the crib Ashley's mother came running into the room, followed by a virtually sleepwalking Toby.

He managed to mumble "What did you do to her?"

"I didn't do anything, stupid, she has a fever."

Kate chimed in with "I'll go get the thermometer." She ran out of the room past Toby as he continued to yawn and cover his ears with his hands.

"Well, can't you do something about how LOUD she is?"

"She's SICK, what do you want me to do?" Then, turning her attention to the baby Ashley stroked her hair and tried to soothe her, "Shh. You're okay. Mommy's here."

She still wasn't quite used to saying those words and had to marvel at the idea that she was a mother. It's crazy just how much can change in under a year, she thought. It was also quite amazing that Ashley could actually think with the amount of noise that was coming from her infant.

Kate returned with the thermometer and the two worked together in taking Julia's temperature. Sure enough, it was high. 100.2 to be exact.

Ashley panicked. "Oh my God, mom, we have to take her to the emergency room!"

"Ashley, calm down let's call the doctor first and see what he thinks we should do."

"Mom, it's 3 o'clock in the morning, he's going to be just as useless as Toby!"

Upon hearing the insult Toby almost retorted but thought better of it as he began to feel concerned for his step-niece as well.

Kate, having ignored Ashley's tirade, had already dialed the doctor's phone number and was now waiting for him to pick up.

"Hello, Dr. Richardson, this is Kate Kerwin. I am so sorry to wake you but my granddaughter is running a temperature of 100.2 and we are very concerned…"

Ashley waited anxiously as her mother listened to the doctor's advice. When she finally hung up Ashley was right behind her ready to hear what the doctor recommended.

"Okay, well he said to go ahead and bring her in. He said in the mean time to try to feed her a little, the breastmilk may help whatever infection she has."

Toby made a disgusted face at this "Ah, man I didn't need to hear that."

Ashley was still stroking Julia's hair and swaying her back and forth in an attempt to get her to calm down in order to be able to feed her. "Grow up, Toby, this is her food."

Once they got everything together and were driving to the hospital, in relative silence since the feeding had quelled Julia's wailing for the moment, Kate spoke up.

"Ashley, you know I care about your and Julia's health more than anything, but I really can't handle another hospital bill right now. We've possibly got more of your treatments coming up and who knows how much that is going to be."

Ashley knew that her mother was struggling with hospital bills she alone had acquired from standard check ups just in the few weeks she had been back, but she was surprised that the older womanhad decided to bring it up now.

"I'm sorry, Mom, but what do you want me to do? Babies get sick all the time and it's not like I asked to get leukemia." She tried not to sound hurt but found that she couldn't avoid the tinge of pain that pervaded her voice.

Kate looked sympathetically to Ashley who was staring out the window. "I know, sweetheart. I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you I guess I'm just tired. We'll find a way to manage."

Luckily for Ashley she didn't need to say anything more because they had arrived at their destination. The doctor said that Julia just had a basic cold but she also had an ear infection which was the likely culprit that caused the screaming. He gave them a prescription for some antibiotics and told Ashley to make sure she gave Julia the medicine right before she fed her in order to maximize its effectiveness. The women thanked the doctor and headed home to finally get some more sleep.

Later that morning mother and baby were both napping when Ashley's cell phone woke her from her slumber. It was Ellie on one of her many daily calls. Ever since Ash had told Ellie everything she was very attentive and supportive almost to the point of annoyance. She visited a lot and brought gifts for the baby and for Ashley. It almost gave her the sense that Ellie felt guilty for something and was trying to make up for it but Ashley couldn't figure out what it could be so she just let it go.

She picked up her phone and tried to erase the sleep from her voice. "Hey, El."

"Ash! Morning…umm, did I wake you?" She sounded strangely peppy as usual ever since Ashley's revelation.

"Yeah, but only out of a nap. The baby's sick and she woke us all up screaming in the middle of the night. She's okay though I just have to give her some antibiotics."

Concern tinged Ellie's voice, "Oh, no, I hope she's doing okay. Well I can come over to help you out later if you want?"

As much as she enjoyed their friendship, Ashley was exhausted and she really didn't feel like having guests in the house today. "No, don't worry about it. She'll be fine and she kept me up all night so I'll be resting for most of the day. Thanks for the offer though."

"No problem, anytime, Ash. So do you want me to let you go then?"

Ashley did want to get some more sleep, but she also needed someone to talk to after that conversation with her mother last night.

"No, its okay, we can talk for a bit. I could use someone to talk to right now."

The concern found its way back into Ellie's voice once again, "What's wrong?"

Ashley sighed. "It's just my mom, I know that she wants to help me out with my sickness and the baby as much as she can but as she said herself last night it's nearly impossible for her to keep up with all the bills stacking up around here."

"Is it really that bad?"

"Well not at the moment, but I might have some treatments coming up and that's going to put a major dent in things. Besides, you remember how they always said how much babies cost in school? Well, they weren't lying! Thank God I breastfeed her otherwise we'd have massive formula bills as well."

"I thought you weren't going to be doing any more treatments until she was at least six months?"

Ashley was genuinely surprised how much Ellie really did keep up with everything that was going on lately. It made her feel better just to know how much her friend cared.

"We weren't but they want to test for bone marrow matches and if they find one, they want to perform the transplant as soon as possible. God, this is just all too much to think about."

"I'm sure it will turn out fine, Ash. You've got family that can help you guys out. You'll find a way."

Ashley heard the faint sound of a doorbell through the receiver.

"Oh, shoot someone's at the door. Can you hold on for a sec?"

"Oh, no it's okay, El. Go get the door I'll just talk to you later okay. I just need to try to rest and clear my head."

"Are you sure? I can get rid of them pretty fast!"

Ashley laughed a little at this, Ellie could be so blunt at times. "No really it's fine. Thanks for listening to me, it helped!"

"Anytime, Ash. Alright well get some rest and I hope the baby gets better soon! Bye."

"Thanks, El. Bye."

Not ten seconds after Ashley set her phone back down on the nightstand and settled back in bed did it start ringing again. She already knew it was Craig this time by the ringtone.

Ever since the day he met his daughter he had been calling, visiting, and asking Ash to bring her over all the time. Not that there was anything wrong with him wanting to spend time with her, but Ashley was just burnt out on everything on this particular day.

"Hey." She didn't make an effort to sound cheery, she knew he'd pick up on her mood sooner or later so she figured why pretend?

"Morning, uh, what's wrong you don't sound too great? Don't tell me you're cancelling on me today cause Joey and Ang are really excited to meet Julia."

Though she was planning to call and tell him anyway, Ashley was not looking forward to Craig's reaction about Julia's sickness. He was going to freak out, she just knew it.

"Well, I didn't get much sleep. And, actually I do have to cancel because, and don't get freaked out, but the baby's sick. She woke up screaming in the middle of the night and we had to take her to the doctor. But he gave us medicine and she's already a little better now. She's actually managed to stay asleep for about an hour now."

Cancelled plans forgotten, Craig went straight into freak out mode that Ashley was trying however unsuccessfully to prevent.

"What? Why didn't you call me then! Are you sure she's okay I mean she's not that old so isn't she in more danger?"

"She's fine. It's just a cold and an ear infection. Babies get those all the time."

Luckily this was enough to appease Craig.

"Well, still, you know I'm coming over then, right?"

She figured this might be what he would say. It would actually be nice to continue to rest while Craig tested out his skills at caring for the baby.

"Yeah, that's fine. See you in a bit."

Ashley once more lay back down on her bed and marveled at how complicated her life has managed to get. She tried to remember the more simple days and why she didn't appreciate them as that at the moment. Not that she would trade her daughter for anything, but it was nice to sometimes feel as if she didn't have so many things on her plate.


	4. I'll Be Here Awhile

Chapter 4: I'll Be Here Awhile

**A/N had a little trouble on some parts of this one, it just didn't want to come out of my head right so hopefully I did a decent job! **

**"I'll be Here Awhile" property of 311.**

Ashley was already almost asleep again when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She opened her eyes to see Craig looking down at her.

"Hey, you're mom let me in. Wow, you really are wiped out aren't you?"

She thought of acting like she was fine but she really was just too tired to even try.

"Yeah, I am. My usual six hours of sleep turning into about three has totally thrown me off."

Craig had walked over to the crib to look at Julia, but turned back to Ashley at her words.

"I understand with last night, but you really should be trying to get more rest with your condition. It can't be good for you to not be getting any sleep, Ash. Don't your mom, Jeff, and Toby help out with her?"

"My mom does, but she is doing enough by paying for pretty much everything, the least I can do is care for my own baby."

"Yeah, but that's not the point. You don't have perfect health right now that you can be doing all of that. Maybe I can take her some days so you don't have to wear yourself out as much."

As nice as it would be to have a break sometimes just like she was thinking about earlier, Ashley couldn't bear being separated from Julia for more than a few hours, let alone a day. She was the only thing keeping Ash going these days.

"That's really nice of you but I'm kind of used to being with her everyday, I can't imagine not…"

"Well then you can come too, just let me do all the work…"

She couldn't resist just a bit of humor at that.

"Okay, you can't do _all_ the work I do. There's actually one very specific thing you can't do…"

He smirked. "Very funny. Okay, well all except that, then she's all yours! But, yeah, it could work. You guys can come to my place some nights and I'll come over here others."

"Whoa, nights?"

"Well, yeah, I mean didn't you say you weren't getting enough sleep? I could help by getting up with her at night."

Ashley sighed and thought of how typical this was of Craig. Jumping in before thinking things through. She sometimes hated having to be the one to bring things back to reality.

"I'm not going to just invade Joey's house a few nights a week and my mom would not approve of you staying here." Ashley tried to avoid his gaze with her next words, "Besides, aren't you with Manny? I highly doubt she's going to appreciate us spending the night together all the time!"

"I'd be spending the night with my _daughter_ not with you!..."

For some reason Ashley was a little hurt by that comment. She didn't even want to go down that road though.

"…And anyway, um, yeah that's kinda over. We had just been going our separate ways anyway since I had gone to Vancouver and she pretty much freaked with this latest change of events. We decided it would be better to just end things."

"Oh, sorry." She did her best to summon some real sympathy in her voice.

Craig just shrugged.

"It's cool. I've got other things to focus on now. Speaking of…"

He came over to sit on the bed next to where Ashley was laying.

"What you said about your mom paying for everything…I mean, you guys are doing okay right?"

As much as she wanted to vent about that situation to Ellie, she really didn't want to talk to Craig about it. She knew all it would do is make him worry.

"Yeah, we're fine for now. But if I end up having transplant surgery if we find a bone marrow match, it's going to be a lot of money. Plus, Julia costs so much just to take care of and I'm not bringing anything in."

It didn't take Craig long to consider this.

"Well my 18th birthday is coming up soon enough. I'm supposed to be getting the full inheritance from my dad so who better to use it on than my kid right?"

Ashley fell silent at this with a sad look on her face. This in turn caused Craig's face to fall wondering if he had said something wrong.

"What?"

She looked back up at him. "I'm so sorry. I know you had plans for your life and now they're changing."

Heput a hand on her shoulder to try to comfort her.

"None of that matters anymore…"

"You haven't lived it yet, Craig. I love her more than anything but its hard work. Your life completely changes and I don't want you to regret it."

If Ashley wasn't backing down, neither was Craig.

"Stop worrying. We're in this together now, Ash. I've got time to do anything I want later when or if I can fit it in. This is more important right now."

It seemed he had finally gotten through to her, at least in part. She cracked a smile.

"When did you become so wise and mature?"

Now it was Craig's turn to look sullen. He glanced down and appeared to be observing the pattern of her comforter for a minute before stating his next words.

"I guess it was after you left me for England. I had to stop and figure out what I was doing wrong. I just figured I had to change something…"

Ashley closed her eyes shook her head. It still pained her to think of how she had left things.

"It wasn't you, Craig. You didn't do anything wrong. It was all me. I needed a change," she let out a bitterlaugh, "and boy did I get my wish, huh?"

Before he could respond they were interrupted by the sound of Julia's cries.

Craig stood up excitedly. "I got this!"

She laughed at his enthusiasm knowing all too well that it would be gone after an entire day of this.

Ashley looked on as Craig half runs over to the crib and moves to pick up the baby. He's so careful to make sure that he has a hand under her head and brings her to his chest to hold her as tight as he can without smothering her. It was actually a very touching moment with the exception of Julia's shrill sobs.

Unfortunately for Craig, no amount of holding or comforting was going to pacify Julia. This was a very purposeful cry and Ashley knew just what it was that needed to be done.

"Should I check her diaper or something?" Craig said with a somewhat apprehensive look on his face.

"Well as fun as that would be, no. She's hungry, it's time for her to eat."

Ashley stood up off the bed with some effort and walked over to the two, now directing her attention to Julia, switching over to the classic baby voice.

"Isn't that what's wrong, baby? And you know what, it's time for your medicine too! Yes it is!"

Craig looked on with an amused smirk on his face. Ashley paused when she noticed this.

"What?"

"Nothing!", he said with a fake look of innocence. "It's just, the whole baby talk thing is new."

"Whatever, she likes it okay? Plus, that's just how you talk to babies, it's like an unwritten rule."

"Hey I didn't say there was anything wrong with it, it's very cute."

"Mmmhmm." She moved to take Julia from Craig's arms. "Come here baby let's get you fed."

Ashley walked over to the dresser and picked up Julia's medicine to give to her. As soon as she finished with that she sat down in the rocking chair in the corner and was right about to start feeding the baby when she remembered that Craig was still in the room and watching them.

He quickly glanced away when Ashley looked up at him.

"Oh, uh, sorry do you want me to leave or something?"

Ashley laughed a bit at his tenseness. "If you want to, it doesn't matter. But if you're going to stay you might as well sit down on the bed or something."

"Oh, okay then."

He settled himself on the bed and spent most of the time staring really hard at his hands, but glanced up a few times at Ashley and the baby.

She laughed at him, "Craig its okay if you look it's not like you're some random stranger. You're her dad, you can watch her eat. And anyway, when did you become so modest?"

Craig was taken aback by this, "And when did you become so bold?"

Ashley gave a small shrug, "I've gone though a lot of changes in the past year, kinda had to. I guess the little things just don't bother me anymore."

Awkwardness forgotten, Craig raised an eyebrow, "Hmm, I don't know what you're referring to but I don't see anything little..."

Her mouth dropped open for a second before she smiled and rolled her eyes, "That's not what I meant, pervert."

"Sorry, I'm a guy you couldn't have expected me to not notice…"

"Yeah, yeah."

At this point Julia had finished so Ashley adjusted herself and turned to Craig, "Want to try toburp her?"

Craig's face lit up in excitement again, "Yeah, definitely!"

He walked over as Ashley stood up. She placed a cloth on his shoulder and positioned Julia upright in Craig's arms.

"Okay, now just pat her back lightly until she burps a few times."

"Seems simple enough."

After only a few pats, Julia let out a decidedly un-baby sized burp then proceeded to grin as Craig and Ashley laughed.

"Aw. Look at that smile." Craig said as he gazed at his baby girl with awe.

Ashley did the same, "Isn't she just the cutest thing you've ever seen?"

"She's beautiful." Craig paused for a moment and looked at Ashley, "Takes after her mother."

Ashley blushed slightly and turned away, "Thanks but even if that is so it's not based on today."

"We'll just have to agree to disagree on that one."

She started to laugh again but unexpectedly squeezed her eyes shut as her balance swayed. She sat down on the bed to compose herself.

Craig eyed this with concern, "Are you okay, Ash?"

She responded with a dismissive wave of her hand, "Yeah. I'm fine I just got a little dizzy is all."

"Well, why don't you get some more rest and I'll take care of her. Hey, if I get into trouble I'll just go bug your mom," he said with a wink.

Ashley smiled as she settled back onto her bed.

Before he walked out the door Craig asked, "Do you need anything?"

"No, thanks I'll be fine."

"Okay, get some rest."

* * *

Craig was in the living room watching T.V. while holding a sleeping Julia when Kate walks in. He visibly tenses for a second upon seeing her. 

Kate notices this as she joins him on the couch, "Don't worry I'm not here to tell you to stay way from my daughter. It's clear that it would be impossible at this point but even so that's not how I feel anymore."

Kate tried for a smile as Craig's face went from slightly scared to slightly confused.

"I actually want to apologize for being so terrible to you last year. I was very protective of her at that point and even though I could've killed you for what you put her through the first time around, I can see now how much you care. For both of them. So, thank you."

Craig was still in shock but managed to smile in return.

"Well, thank you for giving me another chance. I just can't believe how fast you can fall in love with someone."

Kate's smile grew as she watched him admire his baby, her grandchild.

"It's amazing isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is." Craig's face grew more serious and worried, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How is Ashley really doing? She said she's fine but not an hour ago she nearly passed out and I'm just really worried."

She looked down and sighed. "Some days are better than others. The truth is, she really needs that marrow transplant. Only then can we feel confident that she'll get better."

Tears began to form in Craig's eyes as he glanced around the room at various photos of Ashley: some of her as a little girl, some with the whole family, and one of her and Julia obviously taken not long after the birth.

"I don't want to lose her."

Kate began to cry as well and she moved closer to comfort him, and herself, in a hug. "I know. Neither do I."


	5. Gravity

Chapter 5: Gravity

"Gravity" property of A Perfect Circle.

"Ooh, she's soo cute!" Angie squealed for the fifth time in the five minutes since Ashley had arrived at the Jeremiah residence with Julia.

Ashley set the carseat that carried Julia down on the floor and kneeled to Angie's height. She looked at her grinning baby and smiled. Brushing a stray lock of hair out of Angie's face, she observed the interaction between the two younger girls.

"She likes you."

Angie's grin grew at this. Craig returned from outside bringing in the rest of Ashley and Julia's stuff in, giving an exaggerated exhale as if he was exhausted.

"Geez how can something that little really need this much stuff…"

Ashley gave Craig a look while he turned his attention to Angie.

He ruffled her hair teasingly, "So how does it feel to be an aunt?"

Angie bounced up and down excitedly, "It's soo cool! I can't wait to teach her everything I know!"

They still hadn't managed to move past the foyer since Angie had ambushed Ashley as she entered the house. As Joey came down the stairs it was clear they would remain there for a bit longer.

"Hey, Ashley! I feel like it's been ages since I've seen you!" Shifting his attention to the baby, he gasped. "Oh wow, so this is the famous little Julia. Well, she does the name more than justice."

As Joey moved in to hug Ashley she teased him, "Hey, Grandpa!"

"Oh, now that's not gonna help me with the ladies at all…unless of course I take this little beauty around with me."

Ashley rolled her eyes. "Hey, no using my baby to pick up chicks!" turning to Craig she said, "and that goes for you too!"

Craig put his hands up in a surrendering gesture, "Yeah, right. I've already got my hands full with the two of you!"

She gave a mock hurt look and said to Julia in a cheerful voice, "Did you hear that, baby? We're a burden!"

"Hey, I didn't say that…"

Frustrated with the adult's failure to let her in on the action, Angie blurted out, "Can I hold her now? Pleeaaaase, Ashley!"

Craig looked incredulously from his little sister to Ashley, "What's up with that? I get no say in the baby holding privileges?"

Smacking he's arm lightly, Ashley responded to Angie, "Okay, let's go over to the couch…"

Angie ran over, sat on the couch and waited not so patiently for Ashley to follow. She bounced excitedly on the seat, unable to sit still.

Ashley took Julia out of her carseat and walked over with her to Angie. She leaned down carefully placing the baby in Angie's small arms.

Angie admired the baby and then proclaimed, "I can't wait til I have my own baby!"

The others exchanged glances and Ashley tried to hold back laughter at the look of horror on Joey's face.

Joey cleared his throat. "I think that's enough baby time for Angie!"

Ashley gave Joey a reassuring smile and said to Angie, "Trust me, Ang, you can wait. And I promise you can help all the time with her! When she gets older you can be the official babysitter, deal?"

Angie smiled and nodded, "Deal!"

* * *

As Ashley continued to entertain Angie with things she can help with for the baby, Joey and Craig moved to the kitchen to prepare "lunch", which translated as warming up the left over pizza from the night before. 

As soon as he thought they were out of hearing range, thanks to the noise of the t.v. and random rattle-like toys Angie was using to amuse Julia who was perched in the swing Ashley brought with them, Joey turned to Craig with a curious look on his face.

"Soo...what's the deal, then?"

Craig looked at Joey quizzically, "Uh, what deal?"

"You and Ash. Are you back together again or what?"

Now Craig stared at Joey as if he had two heads, "I hate to break it to you Joey but there is no deal with me and Ash. We're not back together, we haven't even remotely discussed anything like that."

There was slight disappointment in his voice in the last few words he uttered, though even as it was carefully caught and masked, Joey jumped on the slip.

"Ah! But that upsets you. You want to get back together with her?"

"Since when are you so nosy anyway, you've never cared this much about my love life?"

"That's because last time you were with Ash it was so obvious and I didn't have to ask, you were more than happy to share without being provoked…"

"Well I don't need to be provoked now either because there's nothing to share."

"Come on, Craig. In all seriousness, you wouldn't even want to try, seeing as you two do have a baby together now?"

Craig lowered his defenses a bit as he paused to rub his face frustratingly with one hand and seemed to really consider what Joey was asking.

"Okay, I can't lie. I've thought about it. A part of my heart will always be with Ash and we have a chance to be a family, it would be perfect…but, it's not perfect. It's complicated as always, and I just…I don't know what…"

Before he could finish his sentence, Craig's words were cut off by what sounded like a thump as if something was dropped on the floor, followed by a shriek from Angie, which prompted Julia to start crying.

Both men whipped around to find Angie hovering over a clearly unconscious Ashley on the floor. Without thinking, Craig let go of the plate of pizza that was in his hand and even as it hit the floor was already next to Angie at Ashley's side.

He quickly searched for a pulse and felt a wave of relief upon finding one. Though she still wasn't opening her eyes. A million things ran through his mind as the commotion of the house grew in volume. Julia continued to cry, Angie began to cry, and Joey was already on the phone and speaking to an emergency dispatcher.

Craig did the only thing he could think of. He began gently shaking Ashley and calling her name.

"Ashley! Ashley! Ash, wake up!"

As he continued to rouse Ashley without success, Joey ran over to announce that help was on the way. He placed a hand on Craig's shoulder to assure him everything would be okay and offered to attempt to soothe Julia.

Craig only nodded, still in a trance waiting for some sort of sign from Ashley. He knew that he should be comforting his daughter, but he also knew that she needed her mother for as long as possible. And now he was even more worried that their time was shortening by the day.

Finally after what felt like centuries and amidst the faint sound of sirens, Ashley's eyes fluttered just a little.

She was still dazed as she was placed on a stretcher and loaded into the van that would carry her to the hospital. Craig rode along as Joey stayed behind to call Kate and gather Angie and the baby to follow them.

As they embarked on as what guaranteed to be the long ride to the hospital, the only thoughts that ran through Craig's head over and over again were "please don't die."


	6. Complicated

Chapter 6: Complicated

"Complicated" property of Carolyn Dawn Johnson (one of few country songs I like ;-)).

**A/N: Not one hundred percent sure on the hospital lingo but just go with it:-)**

White walls. An IV drip. A Respirator. An EKG machine that beeps with every heartbeat. The unnecessarily uncomfortable chairs. Craig recognized these things well. Only the last time he was in a room like this alone with Ashley, their positions were reversed. He was in the hospital bed and she was curled up and cramped in one of those uncomfortable chairs. Except that's not the only thing that has changed this time around. Now he sat with their exhausted three month old daughter curled up in his arms, hoping she would remain asleep for longer than twenty minute bursts this time. She could sense something was wrong and it caused her to be distressed and thus, rather sleepless.

Kate poked her head inside of the room, "You want some coffee?"

Craig wrinkled his nose in disgust, "Yuck," then seemed to reconsider, "Yeah, let me have it."

Kate smirked as she handed him the cup of steaming liquid.

"You can attempt to sleep you know, or even go home, they said she'll be okay…"

As she spoke, Kate moved over to the bed that was occupied by her daughter and lightly stroked her hair.

"…She just needs to rest for a little bit."

He shook his head as if it wasn't even an option, "No, I can't leave her—them—besides, she stayed for me when I was in the hospital."

Kate looked up from her daughter sleeping peacefully over to her granddaughter doing the same on Craig's shoulder.

"Well, it's late and since she's finally sleeping I'll just leave Julia here with you. Just try to make her more comfortable than you are."

He chuckled silently. "Okay, I will. Goodnight, Kate."

"Goodnight. I'll be back in the morning, or well, in about 4 hours. Try to get some rest."

Craig had managed to find a semi-comfortable position and was beginning to feel the call of sleep as he watched Kate's retreating form. Confused about the time, he turned to look at the clock in the room and sure enough, it read 3 a.m. He knew he could operate on few hours of sleep but if Julia had gotten so little sleep by now tomorrow was sure to be a rough day. He had already had enough trouble earlier trying to feed her formula from a bottle. This was something completely new to Julia and she was not having it initially.He hoped Ashley would be well enough tomorrow so he wouldn't have to have a repeat incident.

Craig had only been asleep for what felt like twenty minutes when Julia began to cry, which caused him to jerk slightly. He opened his eyes to meet Ashley's and the beginning rays of sunrise filtering into the room. Apparently he was asleep for longer than what he thought.

"Hey, sorry," he whispered.

She smiled. "It's okay, I was already awake. Bring her here. I swear this is the longest time I've gone without holding her."

Craig carefully stood up from the chair and brought Julia over, placing her next to Ashley on the bed. This served to calm herimmediately.

Ashley stroked the side of her infant's face and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"Aww. We're you worried about me, baby?"

Craig cleared his throat before speaking, "You scared us all pretty badly."

Ashley opened her mouth to speak but he continued before she could get any words out.

"And don't say you're sorry, because it's not your fault. I just…I just wish this wasn't happening, that you could be better."

She gave a sad smile, "I know. Trust me, I've done a lot of wishing over the past year and it doesn't seem to work in this kind of situation."

He watched as she smiled and made faces at Julia. The baby grinned and made little excited noises that though could not quite be labeled as giggles, were clearly a beginning form of laughter. He blinked a few times to get rid of the tears that began to form in his eyes.

"Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to keep trying."

Ashley nodded slightly but continued to direct her attention to Julia.

Craig took a seat on the side of the bed and hesitated a few times before saying his next words,

"So Joey and I were talking earlier and he was asking about…us."

"Oh. What about us?"

"You know, where we stand, blah blah…"

Ashley looked slightly confused, "Okay, well, what did you tell him?"

"Oh, well I told him the truth. That we're not starting things up again. We're just friends, and, uh, parents."

Ashley smirked, "Okay."

Craig turned to face Ashley better and the look on his face was more serious than before.

"The thing is…"

"Knock, knock." He was interrupted by a male voice and two sharp knocks on the door that was slightly ajar.

Both turned to see Ashley's dad standing in the doorway holding a bouquet of pink and white lilies. Ashley looked surprised but happy to see him.

"Dad! What are you doing here and not in England?"

"Just wanted to see my favorite daughter _and_ granddaughter," Ashley playfully rolled her eyes at this seeing as he only had one of each, "besides Chris and I were planning on coming out soon anyway."

She scooped up Julia and sat upright in the bed as Robert walked over to place the flowers on the dresser and give her a hug.

"And you brought my favorites! Thanks, Dad, it's really good to see you!"

"It's wonderful to see you too. And hello, Craig, good to see you as well. Taking care of my best girls I see."

Craig got to his feet to shake Robert'shand. "Hey, Mr. Kerwin. Yeah, I do my best."

There was an awkward pause and exchange of looks between Craig and Ashley.

"Oh, was I interrupting something because I can come back…"

Craig quickly spoke up, "No! No, its okay it can wait I was getting thirsty anyway. Do you guys want anything?"

Ashley shook her head, "I'm good."

Robert smiled politely, "I'm okay as well. Thank you for the offer, Craig."

"No problem."

As Craig exited the room, Robert sat down on the bed next to Ashley.

"So is it 'will they' or…´won't they'?"

Ashley rolled here eyes, "It's who knows. And it wasn't even an issue until now. Funnily enough that's actually sort of what we were talking about when you walked in…"

Robert placed his hand on his daughter's knee, "Ashley, honey, just because it was only brought up today doesn't mean it hasn't been an issue. You have a child together, it's only natural for people to wonder what your status is."

Ashley sighed and leaned her head back on the pillow, "Oh, dad. This whole thing is complicated enough without bringing that in."

"Well, you better start thinking about what you want to do because it's guaranteed to come up again."

She just glanced down and picked at a loose thread from the blanket that Julia was wrapped in. He could sense this was a topic Ashley wanted to avoid, so he let it go.

"She's gotten so big, looks more and more like you everyday. Anything new that I've missed?"

Ashley looked happy again, no doubt thankful for a topic that she was willing to talk about.

"Well, I think she's really close to actually laughing. And she's getting better at lifting her head up. She smiles a lot."

"That's good! So she's happy, and you?"

"What do you mean?"

"How are you feeling, Ash?"

She thought for a moment before responding.

"Overwhelmed. Can we not talk about this stuff? I realize I'm in a hospital but let's just pretend that everything's okay. Tell me about how England is. About you and Chris. Tell me anything."

Robert placed his hand on Ashley's knee and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

"Well, Chris says he's sorry he couldn't be here. He's checking us into the hotel but I wanted to come here right away. He'll be by later."

"Well hopefully I won't be here by then and you guys will have to come to the house. I hate hospitals, the only good experience I've had in one is when she was born. And even then it wasn't perfect since some people were missing."

"Well the important thing is that they're here now. And I don't think they are going anywhere."

Ashley narrowed her eyes at her father as it was clear to her what he was doing.

"Are we back to that again? Come on, dad, I told you I don't want to talk about that. Besides I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal. Craig and I on the same page and our arrangement is fine how it is."

"How do you know you're on the same page if you haven't talked about it? And what page is that anyway?"

Ashley shot her father another warning glance. "Dad!"

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone."

"Thank you."

Ashley returned her head to the pillow and closed her eyes. She hoped for that one moment she could erase all the complicated things from her life and feel as if she didn't have a problem in the world.

Of course this didn't last long as her reverie was broken when she heard the voice of one of the complications in her life return to the room.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Because of the last few weeks of the quarter at school that includes upcoming group projects and finals, I have to put this story on a short hiatus until my last final is finished, which is three weeks from today. :-) So hopefully I will return with another chapter in a little more than three weeks and then I'll have the summer free to write all I want! **


	7. Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking

Chapter 7: Somewhere A Clock is Ticking

"**Somewhere A Clock is Ticking" property of Snow Patrol.**

**A/N: This chapter marks the return of a snippet of lyrics included in the beginning, because, how can I not include Snow Patrol lyrics? ;-) Hope this chapter is worthy of the wait!**

_I've got this feeling, there's something that I missed  
(I could do most anything to you)  
Don't you breathe, don't you breathe  
(I could do most anything to you)  
Something happened that I never understood  
(I could do most anything to you)  
You can't leave, you can't leave  
(I could do most anything to you) _

Ashley sat anxiously in the wheelchair she was forced to ride in upon being released, per hospital protocol. She held a sleeping Julia and waited as her mother, father, Craig, Toby and even Chris were being tested for a bone marrow match; as the doctor stressed that it would be best to perform a transplant as soon as possible before the disease reached the acute stage. Everyone agreed it was best to test right away seeing as they were already in the hospital.

Craig was the first to be finished. He noticed Ashley staring off toa far away spot in the hospitalas he approached her. He felt how she looked: tired, scared, depressed, and the spot on his arm where they drew blood to test for the marrowmatch hurt like hell. But, despite all this he held his head high and put a bounce in his step and a smile on his face.

He clapped his hands once upon reaching her side, "Well, I feel really good about that!"

Ashley stared at him with a look that told him she knew he was faking. "Okay, nobody feels good about having a needle being stuck in them, but thanks, nice try."

"Okay, maybe not the needle part, but I have a good feeling about this. We've always made a good match."

Despite her attempt to continue sulking, Ashley laughed. "You are so cheesy."

Craig smiled and pointed at her triumphantly. "Yes! Knew I could get a smile."

Toby was the next to join them in the lobby, a scowl on his face as he rubbed his arm and muttered, "I hate needles."

Craig patted him on the back, "How'd it go, Tobes?"

Toby directed his scowl to Craig, "I hate being called that, and it sucked." He turned his attention to Ashley with a softer look on his face, "But I hope it helps."

Ashley gave him a smile, "Thanks, Toby."

The others trickled out one by one, Kate being the last to join the circle that gathered around Ashley's wheelchair. It was Ashley's turn to scowl as Craig insisted on pushing her out the hospital doors and once those wheels hit the cement of the entrance she practically jumped out of it and onto her feet.

Everyone returned to Ashley's house, after the events of the past few days it was silently understood by all that Craig would be an extra resident for a while.

The group had gathered in the living room at first, welcoming the distraction of Robert and Chris' stories of their life in London, though it was obvious that everyone was only half focused on them and all thoughts were elsewhere.

After some time Kate rose from her seat, "Well, I'm going to go ahead and begin dinner, you two are welcome to stay."

Ashley got up as well, "I'll help you, Mom."

Kate gave her a strange look, "Ashley, that's really not necessary…"

She was cut off by a glare from her daughter, one that said 'stop treating me like a baby'.

"…Okay, then. If you want to help that would be great."

Craig fought his first instinct to object with her helping just as Kate had done, he knew it was useless and figured he'd get the same treatment as Kate had, or worse. So instead he stood up, fetched Julia from her bassinet, and excused himself from the shrinking group in the living room to retreat to Ashley's room.

For the first time since being in the Kerwin-Issacs household that first day he learned of Ashley's illness and Julia, he really took in the appearance of her room. There were various things that were the same and obvious things that had changed.

For one, there was a crib in place of the vanity she use to have that the last time he had seen it more than a year ago displayed various pictures of the two of them and some of her friends. Though most of those pictures went with the piece of furniture, he spotted a collage frame on another wall which contained an abundance of pictures of Julia, but also had a few of Ashley and Ellie, and one of himself and her performing at their prom.

He smiled at the memory, and the fact that she had a picture of them together up on her wall. He had no idea when she put it up but all the same it pleased him. Taking Julia with him, he settled down on Ashley's bed. The scent of her sheets were familiar to him, a mixture of clean and the scent that was unique to Ashley. It comforted him and saddened him at the same time.

Ashley entered the room a little later to find Craig and Julia fast asleep on her bed. She smiled at how similar they looked: hair wild and sticking up in more than one spot, mouth slightly open, except Julia's cheek was smushed against Craig's chest where she slept. She tiptoed across her room carefully to get her camera and managed to snap a shot without waking either of them.

She stood anchored to her position at the side of her bed for a while, unable to move or tear her eyes away from the site that made her happy and sad at the same time. It was only when she saw a tear hit the comforter that she moved, furiously brushing the tears away as she slipped into the vacant spot next to Craig on the bed. She continued to watch them sleep instead of giving in to her urge to join them in slumber.

Craig opened his eyes to find Ashley's face in front of his, her eyes were open but they looked blank. He smiled slightly, yawned, and rubbed his eyes.

"How long have you been there?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. A while…dinner's ready."

He nodded, "Oh."

Craig fought the urge to ask her what was wrong, he had a general idea but his mind raced trying to figure out a way to comfort her, to make her feel better.

Focusing her stare on Julia, Ashley blurted out, "My mom wanted me to give her up when she was born."

Craig quickly turned to look at her in shock, "What!"

"She said I was being selfish, to keep her when I might end up leaving her before she has the chance to know me. But, I told her it would be selfish to make the decision for her to not know me, or you."

Craig still looked at her speechless, trying to comprehend the thought of having never met his daughter because she belonged to someone else.

"She never brought it up again after that and I think she regrets ever suggesting it, but that's my mom for you, always trying to keep people away from things that might hurt them even if it's the best thing that ever happened to them."

He wasn't quite sure exactly what Ashley was talking about in that last part, considering Kate Kerwin practically made a career out of trying to keep her daughter away from him. He still didn't speak and they laid in silence for a few moments until Ashley spoke up again.

"I'm scared."

Craig wondered if she was finally opening up to him. He reached for her hand, "I know."

Ashley pulled her hand out of reach and sat upright on the bed. She appeared angry but he could see the tears forming in her eyes.

"No, you really don't. I am so…_jealous_ of all of you. You get to be around for her for as long as you want and I…I don't even know if I'll make it to see her walk, to see her go to school…let alone her first boyfriend and when she gets married."

Craig sat up as well, careful not to wake the baby as he placed her beside them on the bed.

"Don't talk like that, Ash. There's still a chance…"

"_If _I get the transplant, there's still a chance. If not, it's only a matter of time. Stop being so damn naïve about this, Craig."

He looked at her with hurt and anger in his eyes, "Well someone has to be thinking positively and it obviously isn't you."

"I'm thinking realistically. If you knew how it felt to know that you may not see your baby grow up maybe you'd understand."

Craig looked at Ashley as if she had gone crazy.

"You think this is easy for me? Yeah, you won't get to see her grow up, but you'll be in a better place. What about us Ashley? How do you think we'll feel?" He finally let the tears that he'd been holding back for days go. "I can't even begin to imagine living my life without you around…the possibility of having to explain to her what happened, knowing it should be reversed. You don't deserve this. None of us do."

Ashley finally allowed Craig to wrap his arms around her as she sobbed. He rubbed her back and let his tears fall into her hair.

"I'm sorry," she choked out.

"Shh…don't. It's okay."

They stayed that way for a while, even after Ashley calmed down. Neither knew what could be done next, there was nothing that could be done to provide true comfort until the fate of her chance of a transplant was revealed. Until then, all they could do was wait.

_I am scared, I'm so scared  
(I could do most anything to you)  
In slow motion the blast is beautiful  
(I could do most anything to you)  
Doors slam shut, doors slam shut  
(I could do most anything to you)  
A clock is ticking but it's hidden far away  
(I could do most anything to you)  
Safe and sound, safe and sound  
(I could do most anything to you) _


	8. She Is

Chapter 8: She Is

"**She Is" property of The Fray (even though I pretend like it's not in this chapter, you'll see)**

**The cheese factor is a little high in this chapter, but I wanted to give some lightheartedness after the sad mood of the last one. Hope everyone enjoys!**

Craig was the first to hear the knock on the door, it was fairly easy considering his prime spot in the living room. The arrangement of him staying involved sleeping on the couch with the baby monitor nearby so he could help if Julia fussed in the middle of the night.

He got up reluctantly to open the door, surprised to find Ellie on the other side. She seemed just as surprised to see him opening the door to Ashley's house.

"Okay, I know it's not so early that I got the wrong house!"

Craig laughed, "No, I'm just staying here because, well because…"

Ellie quickly nodded her head to show that there was no need to explain further.

"It's okay, I understand. I probably shouldn't have just shown up but I just got back from out of town and I wanted to say hi."

"Oh, hey, it's cool. What time is it anyway?"

Ellie checked her watch. "Eight-fifteen."

Craig glanced to the second story in the direction of Ashley's bedroom.

"As far as I know she's still sleeping…uh, it was kinda a rough night."

Ellie looked concerned but nodded understandingly, "Well, I can just come back later…"

As she turned to leave he put a hand on her arm to stop her, stepped out onto the porch and closed the front door behind him.

"Hey, could you stay for a sec? I could use someone to talk to."

Ellie smiled, "Sure."

She made a confused face which quickly turned into a smirk as she glanced at his hand, which still contained the baby monitor.

"Wow. You've just turned into a regular Mr. Mom there haven't ya?"

Craig looked confused for a moment, but quickly caught on and raised the hand that contained the monitor.

"Oh, I didn't even realize I was still holding it…actually I think I fell asleep with it!"

"So then it was a rough night with the baby?"

Craig looked surprised at her question. "Oh, no. She was fine. It was Ashley. She's…she's having a really hard time right now...with everything."

Ellie sat down on the first step of the porch and patted the spot next to her. She studied him for a moment.

"Well it seems to me you're not dealing too great either, are _you_ okay?"

"Yeah, well, no. But I'm more worried about Ash right now. She needs some serious cheering up. Just, something to get her mind off of it."

"Hmm…well, we could take her somewhere fun?"

He immediately shook his head. "I don't want it to be something that will make her feel like it's the last time she's doing it."

"Okay, that's morbid, Craig. Why are you even thinking like that?"

Craig looked up defensively. "I'm not! She is. She's like dug herself in this little hole where she thinks she won't even make it to see Julia walk."

Ellie shook her head sadly and placed a comforting hand on Craig's shoulder as he looked away abruptly and tried to find something else to focus on. They sat on the porch in silence for a few minutes, each pondering what they had just talked about.

Ellie suddenly raised her head. "I think I have an idea," She quickly got up, "I'll call you later with more info."

Craig stood up as well, bewildered by Ellie's sudden spark of energy.

"You don't want to see Ash?"

"I have to get this plan in action, tell her I'll call her later too."

He watched the redhead scurry down the driveway and wondered what she could possibly have up her sleeve.

* * *

As Ellie had promised, she followed through on a really good plan to lift Ashley's spirits. All they could do was hope it would work.

It was a few days later and Craig had lured Ashley in by telling her that there was a surprise for her at Joey's house. She seemed skeptical and mostly went along because of how excited he seemed about it, but it was obvious that she was intrigued.

They stood outside the door to Joey's house and Ashley still eyed Craig suspiciously as he reached to open the door.

"Whatever this surprise is I still don't see why you made me put Julia in a dress, though she does look cute."

He smirked while he turned the doorknob, then held the door open for Ashley to walk in. She was greeted by Joey's living room and staircase covered in pink and white streamers and plastic baby rattles and pacifiers strewn about various tables, a sign that read "It's A Girl!", and gathered mostly underneath that sign a group of her friends that looked just as surprised to see her as she did them.

"Uh, SUR-prise," Marco shouted lamely, followed by the rest attempting to join in.

Craig slapped his forehead, "Can't you guys get anything right?"

Paige spoke up in defense, "Hey! Do you see how nicely this place is decorated? Thank you very much."

Ellie ran into the room a few seconds later, obviously tipped off by the uncoordinated "surprise" yell.

"Oh, crap, you guys messed it up! Hazel, that was your only job, watch to see when they came up!"

Hazel shrugged her shoulders feebly, "I had to tell Paige something, Spinner was supposed to take over."

Everyone looked at Hazel as if she had just said the stupidest thing in the world and a look of realization crossed her face.

"Yeah, okay, I screwed it up."

After hearing his name, Spinner shyly shut his cellphone and cleared his throat. "Uh, sorry I was texting Darcy."

Ellie moved to say something else but was cut off by the sound of Ashley's laughter.

"Oh my God, you guys are so pathetic at throwing surprise parties, but seeing as it's not my birthday and I've already had my baby almost four months ago, don't worry I didn't see it coming."

Ellie stepped forward, "I just thought it would be nice to get everyone together to see you and the baby and we never did get to throw you a baby shower, mostly cause nobody knew you were pregnant, but uh…"

Ellie trailed off but was relieved when Ashley walked up and gave her a one-armed hug, since Julia occupied her other arm.

"It's great. Thank you."

Ashley started to walk over to the group when another voice drifted into the room.

"Aw, did we miss the surprise?" Joey said as he descended the stairs.

He was followed closely by Angie and another set of feet that Ashley could see belonged to a female but she couldn't see her head yet. Finally, she saw a flash of blonde hair and realized that the female was none other than Caitlin Ryan.

"Caitlin," Ashley exclaimed looking a little confused as the blonde wrapped her in a hug.

"Wow, it's so good to see you Ashley, it's been a while!"

Ashley nodded, still baffled. "Yeah, um, are you and Joey back together again?"

Caitlin laughed, "Yeah, we are! I just came back from my last trip to L.A. to move my stuff back here. Craig didn't tell you?"

Ashley shot a glare at Craig, "No! He did not! Well, that's great news I'm so happy for you guys!"

Craig spoke up in his defense, "Sorry it didn't exactly occur to me with everything else that has been going on."

The girls laughed and shook their heads.

Caitlin glanced at Julia who looked back at her. "Ah, she's precious. May I?"

Ashley smiled, "Sure."

She passed Julia into another set of arms for the first of many times that day. Although, that was probably one of the more successful.

Later, when it was Hazel's turn, Paige and Marco looked on over each of Hazel's shoulders. Paige's hair fell a little in front of her face, just within Julia's reach.

Ashley noticed this, "Oh, Paige you might want to watch out for your…"

Before Ashley could finish her sentence Julia got a fistful of Paige's blonde locks, she kept a firm grip and Paige let out a yelp.

"…hair." She walked over to try to help loosen Julia's grip. "Sorry, it's her newest fascination, I'm seriously considering cutting my hair again just to escape the danger."

All the boys in the room tried to mask their laughter and the girls showed they could feel her pain as Paige squirmed and whined until Ashley managed to get Julia to let go.

Paige attempted to straighten out her hair and glared at all of the males in the room.

"Yeah, you all laugh now, I hope she pukes on one of you."

She then glanced back down at the baby, who seemed to also be in on the humor as she had a giant open-mouthed grin on her face, punctuated by lots of drool.

Paige wrinkled her nose in disgust, "Okay, gross, Ashley there's something weird and disgusting coming out of your baby's mouth."

Marco looked over Hazel's shoulder again, "Oh, eww!"

Ashley hurriedly ran over to see what they were talking about, clearly worried that Julia had thrown up.

She rolled her eyes, "Guys, it's only drool, seriously. Paige, if you ever plan on having children I recommend at least ten more years."

"Uh, try never. They're just, ugh. I mean, don't get me wrong, hun, yours is cute and all but, not for me."

Ellie rolled her eyes at Paige and interjected, "Okay, how about we open presents now?"

Ashley looked shocked, "Presents? What? You guys didn't need to do that!"

Ellie guided her over to a chair, "Of course we did."

Ashley settled into a chair with Craig and Julia to her right and Ellie to her left, who had appointed herself in charge of the presents.

"Do mine first," Spinner shouted excitedly.

"Well, I guess we should just get it over with," Ellie quipped and Spinner flipped her off, pretending to scratch his face.

Ellie handed Ashley the simple white bag that had tissue paper stuffed into it, clearly not wrapped with too much care. Ashley discarded the tissue paper and pulled out a tiny white shirt that had a splat of black on it in the form of what appeared to be a speech bubble, inside of the bubble was the word "Fart".

Spinner laughed hysterically as everyone else rolled their eyes.

"Um, thanks Spinner. You know I'm never actually putting my child in this though, right?"

Spinner's face fell, "Aw, come on! Craig, help me out here."

Craig looked at Spinner incredulously, "Sorry man, I'm with everyone else. But, uh, thanks for the thought."

Ellie continued to hand Ashley presents. There were more clothes, cute ones this time, from Paige and Hazel. Some toys from Marco and Dylan, and an 8x10 framed sketch of a picture of Ashley and Julia from Jimmy, who revealed he had gotten the picture from Ellie. Ellie's was the last that Ashley opened, it was a black t-shirt that said "My Goth Mommy Loves Me". Ashley laughed.

"I know you're not goth anymore but I thought it was funny and cute."

"It is cute, thanks!"

Ellie quickly stood up and removed a folded piece of paper from her pocket, "Okay, last one. This is from all of us, but a large part thanks to Joey and Caitlin."

She handed the paper to Ashley. It was a check for $2000 dollars. Ashley nearly fell out of her chair.

"I can't accept this!"

She attempted to put it back in Ellie's hand but the latter refused it.

"Of course you can. We love you and we want to help in any way we can."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

Tears sprang up in Ashley's eyes. "I love you all too. Thank you so much, today was truly one of the best I've ever had."

She got up and gave out hugs to everyone. When she reached Craig he stood up, took her hand and led her to the garage they used to spend so much time in.

"My present's not in a box…"

Ashley arched an eyebrow at him. But realization dawned on her when he picked up his guitar.

"I wrote this at the hospital, it's about the both of you," he winked at her knowing she'd recall when he last said his next words, "No laughing okay?"

Ashley smiled, "Okay, but I can't make any promises for this one," she gestured to Julia who eyed Craig and his guitar curiously.

"_Do not get me wrong  
I cannot wait  
For you to come home  
For now you're not here  
And I'm not there  
It's like we're on our own  
To figure it out  
Consider how  
To find a place to stand  
Instead of walking away  
And instead of  
Nowhere to land_

_This is going to  
Break me clean in two  
This is going to  
Bring me close to you  
_

_She is everything I need  
That I never knew I wanted  
She is everything I want  
That I never knew I needed_

_It's all up in the air  
And we stand still  
To see what comes down  
I don't know where it is  
I don't know when  
But I want you around  
When it falls in place  
With you and I  
We go from if to when  
Your side and mine  
Are both behind  
It's indication _

_This is going to  
Bring me clarity  
This'll take the  
Heart right out of me_

_She is everything I need  
That I never knew I wanted  
She is everything I want  
That I never knew I needed_

_This is going to bring me to my knees  
I just want to hold you close to me_

_She is everything"_

Ashley wiped tears away for the second time that day. Craig set his guitar down and she got up and walked over to him.

"It was beautiful, thank you…for everything."

She hugged him and he smiled. She was happy, at least for today, his mission was accomplished.


	9. Run

Chapter 9: Run

"_Run" property of Snow Patrol._

_I'll sing it one last time for you  
Then we really have to go  
You've been the only thing that's right  
In all I've done  
And I can barely look at you  
But every single time I do  
I know we'll make it any where  
Away from here _

_Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you can not hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear _

_Louder, Louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say _

Weeks had passed and everyone was on edge about the bone marrow situation. No one had tested a match so Ashley's doctor had to put her on a list. They were in the midst of waiting to hear what would come of that.

Everyone was in the living room playing with Julia. She was showing signs of rolling from her stomach to her back, so of course everyone watched and waited for her to do it. Just when she started to go with a little help from Ashley, the doorbell rang. Toby, who was closest to the door and apparently the only one willing to get up, answered it.

"Yeah, don't worry about the door everyone, I'll get it." He muttered sarcastically on his way.

After the sounds of the creak of the door being opened and some voices, Toby's yelled to the living room, "There's some guys in suits at the door!", which prompted Kate to quickly join him at the entrance.

She shook the hands of the men, who were smirking at Toby's outburst.

"Hello, gentlemen, sorry about Toby here! Please, come in. Ashley?"

The two women shared a look and Ashley got up and walked with Kate over to the dining room where they all took a seat, leaving a curious Craig alone with Julia in the living room, but not for long.

"Craig, would you come in here please," came Kate's voice from the dining room.

Obediantly, he walked over with Julia and took a seat next to Ashley. The men had identical polite smiles plastered on their faces and had spread some papers out on the table.

Kate spoke up in explanation, "These men are here to draw up a will for Ashley."

Ashley jumped in at the panicked look on Craig's face, "It's just a precaution, we wanted to make sure that everything will be straightened out with Julia for when…"

Craig nodded in understanding.

One of the men spoke up, "Well, Ashley you indicated that the only thing you'd like to include is your daughter, Julia, is that correct?"

Ashley nodded, "Yeah, well she's pretty much the only thing of value I…possess. So, that's right, just her. Anything else my mom could handle and I don't have any money, so…"

Ashley had a feeling she had begun to babble, which was confirmed when the man nodded vigorously and cut in when she began to drift off.

"Very well then, first we must go over guardianship; since the two of you are not married, Ashley currently has sole guardianship of the child. Therefore, she must specify in her will to whom the baby will go in the event of her death. So, Ashley, we need you to decide who you would like that to be…if you decide that it should be Craig, than the both of you must sign papers stating that he will now have joint guardianship of the child."

Ashley answered quickly, "Oh, well she should go to Craig, no question."

The other man who had not spoken yet pulled out some other papers, "Craig, you understand that by signing these papers you will have joint guardianship of Julia, and in the event of Ashley's death you will have sole guardianship, do you want to sign the papers?"

Craig looked at the man like he was crazy as he reached for the papers, "Of course."

"Now, it would be wise for the two of you at some point decide together who Julia would go to in the event of Craig's death…"

Craig and Ashley shared a look that signified how ridiculous the conversation was turning.

Craig spoke up first, "Okay then, we'll be sure to do that, thanks for the tip."

The men took the hint and started to gather their things to leave and Kate got up with them.

"Well, thank you for coming, let me walk you out."

They shook Craig and Ashley's hands and followed Kate to the door.

As soon as they were out of hearing range, Craig turned to Ashley and asked, "So who's idea was that?"

"My mom's of course…but it was a good idea. If nothing else, it's good so that you have a legal right to Julia now."

"Yeah, that's true. Well, thanks for thinking of me with the whole paperwork thing, if I lost you and her I don't know what I would do."

At that moment Kate appeared on her way to the kitchen. Ashley quickly got up to follow her.

"Sorry, Craig, I have to ask my mom something."

He sighed and, still holding Julia, looked at her and whispered, "Wow, talk about avoiding the subject."

* * *

A few days had passed and the subject hadn't come up again. Craig was spending more time at Joey's since he had not seen too much of them since Ashley's stint in the hospital. Plus, he kind of felt from everyone other than Julia and Ashley that he was over staying his welcome at Jeff and Kate's. He and Angie were playing a video game when his phone started to ring.

He answered without looking at the caller ID, "Hello?"

"Guess what", Ashley's excited voice said from the receiver.

"Wow, you're strangely peppy."

"I know! That's because of what you're supposed to guess and now you're ruining it!", she teased.

Craig laughed, "Okay, what?"

"My doctor called today and he said they found a match!"

The control slipped out of Craig's hands. Unfortunately for him, he had not paused the game when his phone rang so Angie squealed with delight, exclaiming that she won.

He ignored Angie's accompanying victory dance, "Wow, that's awesome! That's really great news, Ash!"

"Yeah, I know. My mom and I are supposed to go two a meeting with the doctor tomorrow. So how are things at Joey's?"

"Oh, it's cool," noticing that Angie was still dancing around the room he added, "Angie just beat me in a video game thanks to you."

Ashley laughed. "Aww, sorry!"

"It's okay, I'm just glad you called to tell me."

There was a bit of a pause before Ashley said, "So, Julia misses you. I think she got used to you being around cause she keeps kinda looking around like she expects you to turn up any minute."

"Really? I miss you guys too…"

Craig cringed at his slip of the tongue but wondered if it would finally push Ashley to talk about the apparently unmentionable subject of "us".

As he expected, she skirted over the comment, "So anyway they're hoping to get me in as soon as possible so I'll keep you posted."

"Yeah…well I can come with if you want, you know watch Julia while you guys are in the meeting or whatever."

"Okay, I'll let you know."

"Alright." After Ashley hung up, Craig turned to Angie who had finally took her seat again and said, "Girls are stupid."

It was the following morning and Craig yawned and looked at his watch as he continued to wait with Julia in a chair outside of Ashley's doctor's office.

He looked down at Julia and said, "What's taking so long?"

She responded by continuing to stare at him and blew a couple of spit bubbles.

"Hey, you've developed a new talent there! When did that happen?"

The door to the office opened, a clearly upset Ashley emerged and quickly walked straight past Craig as he started to get up. He looked at Kate confused but just as quickly handed Julia to her and ran after Ashley. She had gone fast so he wasn't sure where exactly she went, but had to stop in his tracks once he got outside when he spotted her sitting on a bench.

He took a seat next to her, "Okay, so what was that about?"

"Well I'm due to have the transplant tomorrow, but I get to be the living dead again. After the procedure I have to stay in the hospital for at least four weeks, more likely closer to eight. Then when I finally get out of here, I'll still be too weak to do much of anything for even more months."

Craig just stared at her for a moment as he processed what she said. "Okay, so that's the bad, but think of the good…you have a chance to beat this, and you have everyone's support, you know that."

Ashley jerked her head up, "Oh, well I guess I forgot to mention that there's very few people that can visit me cause I'll be," she made air quotes with her hands, "'extremely susceptible' to infections. So the people that do see me have to wear protective things like gloves. Instead of having a disease, it'll be like I am a disease."

They sat in silence for another couple of minutes, Craig contemplating what to say.

"So Julia blows spit bubbles now."

Ashley looked up incredulously, "What? I mean, yeah, I know that but why are you talking about that?"

"Because I didn't know until today. I've only spent the last few days at Joey's and I've already missed something."

"Okay well, sorry, I…"

"No, it's not your fault it's just…I don't want to miss anything, with either of you…and you know what that's it, we're talking about this…"

Ashley continued to look at Craig like he had two heads, "Huh? Talking about what? You're not making any sense Craig."

"I'm talking about what you've been avoiding every time I try to bring it up. Well, I'm not letting you avoid it anymore. And I definitely won't let you avoid me…because you know what? You're stuck with me, you've been stuck with me ever since Kwan paired us up for that project in grade 10."

"Wait a minute, I thought we've already discussed this and we decided that we're just friends."

"No, you decided, I just agreed at the moment. And apparently you didn't take the hint with that song I wrote...so, allow me to clear things up, I love you Ash…"

Ashley got up and started to walk away, "Oh, Craig please don't do this…"

He got up and blocked her way, "And not in the you're my friend and the mother of my child kind of way but in the can't live without you-I'll shout it out to the entire hospital love you kinda way."

She continued to shake her head, "No, you're just falling back into old ways, Craig, come on."

"Or maybe it's just that I never fell out of them…and you haven't either. I know it."

"You know what? I'm not even going to lie, maybe I haven't but that doesn't mean…"

"It means everything, Ash! Why are you keeping us apart if you feel the same way I do."

"Because I can't…I just can't do this, especially not now okay, Craig," She began to run away again but this time he let her go, "I'm sorry I just can't."

He stood watching her go when he felt a presence by his side.

Kate's voice broke the silence, "She'll come around. Just give here some time to process that meeting…we'll be having dinner around seven tonight, I'll talk to her and make sure she's ready to see you at say, eight-thirty?"

When he turned to look at her she gave him a smile and walked in the direction Ashley had gone to drive them home.

_To think I might not see those eyes  
Makes it so hard not to cry  
And as we say our long goodbyes  
I nearly do  
Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you can not hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear _

_Louder, Louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say _

_Slower, slower  
We don't have time for that  
All I want's to find an easier way  
To get out of our little heads _

_Have heart, my dear  
We're bound to be afraid  
Even if It's just for a few days  
Making up for all this mess _

_Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you can not hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear _


	10. Look After You

Chapter 10: Look After You

"_Look After You" property of The Fray._

**A/N: I've bumped the rating up to T with this chapter, just to be safe.**

_If I don't say this now I will surely break  
As I'm leaving the one I want to take  
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait  
My heart has started to separate_

The car ride home had started off dead silent, Ashley in the back with Julia, staring out the window the entire time.

Kate spoke up anyway, "Ashley, as many reservations as I have, I do think that it will do you a lot of good to have love in your life."

Kate glanced in the review mirror and saw that Ashley did not move her gaze from the window.

"I can have love in my life without being in a relationship! And what's with the sudden change anyway, you've never been anything but "anti-Craig", especially when it comes to us being together."

"Which is why you should take my words very seriously. I know I have been harsh with him and you in the past, but I've seen the change in him and I'm more convinced than ever that he loves you, both of you. And I've never questioned your love for him. So, sweetie, excuse me for being blunt, but stop being so stubborn."

Ashley finally met her mothers glance in the mirror, but she didn't look sad or angry any longer as Kate had expected her to. She then directed her gaze on her baby girl, who still looked like a carbon copy of herself but definitely had traces of Craig in her.

Since Ashley still hadn't made an effort to speak, Kate added, "I just want you to be happy, Ashley. And fighting your feelings for Craig, for whatever reason, is not going to help accomplish that."

Ashley still didn't move to say anything, but a small smile formed on her lips, a sign to let Kate know that she must have gotten through to her a little.

* * *

_There now, steady love, so few come and don't go  
Will you won't you, be the one I always know  
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around  
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down_

Craig arrived at Ashley's doorstep and took a deep breath before he raised his hand to knock on the door. He barely connected his fist with the wood once when the door swung open, revealing Kate on the other side.

She greeted him with a smile and a reassuring hug, "Right on time."

He returned the hug gratefully, "It's not like I had anything else to do all day but stare at the clock."

He observed that the house was very quiet, with the exception of the faint noise of a television that must have been coming from Toby's room and the hum of a coffee maker that was obviously being utilized by Kate. He also noticed that Julia was sleeping soundly in her bassinet in the living room, no doubt part of Kate's efforts to help tonight go smoothly.

She gave him an encouraging pat on the back, "She's in her room."

He nodded and began his ascent up the stairs, his heart beating just a bit faster with every step that led him closer to her bedroom. He couldn't recall a time that he was ever this nervous to be in her room. He made it to the top of the stairs and quickly, a little too quickly, completed the short trip from there to her door. He knocked lightly twice just to alert her of his presence before twisting the knob and stepping inside of the room.

She had her lights off, but the room was instead illuminated by a few candles. It did give a nice romantic touch, but he had no idea if those were her intentions or not. He leaned more towards not since she didn't necessarily appear to be waiting for him, as she laid on her bed with her back turned to the door.

He could see that she was fiddling with something, but wasn't sure of what until he got a little closer. She was twisting a feather, no doubt from one of her pillows, between her fingers and staring at it as if it could give her all the answers she needed. Finally, just when he thought that he'd have to be the initiate the conversation again, she spoke up.

"Hey," she said softly, more to the feather than to him.

"Hey, found yourself a new hobby there?"

She turned and gave him a look, which pleased him since it showed she hadn't lost her spunk. He took that as a good sign to press through.

"So, I believe it was your turn," he said as he joined her on the bed.

She stared up at the ceiling for a few seconds, then closed her eyes. She looked a little upset, but didn't seem as if she was going to cry. Craig slipped his hand into hers and gave it a squeeze.

She opened her eyes but still directed her gaze at the ceiling and finally spoke, "You know you're too damn impulsive, right?"

That received a smile from Craig, "Its part of what you love about me."

She finally looked at him to give him a glare, though it was not sincere, "Not to mention conceited, and yet…"

He chuckled and waited for her to finish.

"…you're also right. I do love you, and I always will. You know that, apparently everyone knows that…"

"But," He interjected, knowing that it was exactly what she planned to say next.

"But, I can't ask you to put your life on hold and put yourself through hell just to wait for me…for something that will be hard on us both and…"

Craig had tried to listen patiently but lost that battle. He shook his head and stood up, "With all due respect Ash, that's bullshit, and you know it,"

Ashley sat upright on her bed, upset. He softened a bit and sat back down on the bed, facing her.

He stroked her check, "First of all, I'd wait for you forever. Even if all I got at the end was just the tiniest crumb from you, I'd wait. Secondly, when have things ever been easy for us? We've managed to get past it all and I think we've come out stronger every time."

A tear slid down Ashley's cheek, but she still stood firm, shaking her head, "And what about the next few months? How can any couple survive that? You should be with someone who you can actually touch…"

Craig wiped away her tear with his thumb, "Okay, now you're just picking at the little things. We'll figure out a way to get through it, all you have to do is tell me that there's something for me to be waiting for and you know I'll do it."

Ashley sighed deeply and said simply, "Okay."

Whether or not she had anything more to say Craig would never know because at that moment he took her face in his hands and kissed her. She returned it until they were both breathless and forced to break apart but they remained close, their foreheads touched as they looked into each other's eyes and grinned madly.

Ashley spoke first, "By the way, how weird is it that my mom is like our number one supporter now!"

Craig laughed, "I don't know, but stranger things have happened."

She arched an eyebrow, "Such as…?"

He furrowed his brows as he attempted to come up with something, "I don't know, why are you trying to make me think right now!"

She laughed and he emphasized his point by kissing her again. They fell back onto the bed as the kiss intensified, their hands moving quickly to reacquaint themselves with the other.

It was Ashley that broke away again, "We should slow it down, wouldn't want to tease you by giving you something you're gonna miss in the next couple months."

He poked her playfully, "You're already teasing me…tease!"

She pretended to look shocked but couldn't help the laugh that escaped her even as she pinched him, "Jerk!"

Craig grinned and repositioned himself to lie next to her, "See, this is how it should be. Always."

He wrapped his arms around her and Ashley rubbed her nose against his before raising her eyebrows in question, "Us calling each other names!"

"Oh yeah, don't you know that's the key to a healthy relationship?"

She rolled her eyes, "You're nuts!"

He hugged her tighter, "And yet, you're still completely in love with me, who's really the crazy one here?"

"Apparently we're just two crazy people in love, hopefully it's not something that can be passed on genetically, otherwise Julia's in trouble!"

They both laughed and continued to lie in each others arms, basking in all that they had not allowed themselves to do or feel for a long time.

Ashley broke the silence again, "Actually, we should go get her and bring her back up here, she can't sleep in the living room all night!"

"Okay, just a few more minutes."

"Do you think she'll be able to sense the change?"

"I don't know, maybe. She'll probably be thinking, 'it's about time'."

Ashley pushed Craig playfully, "Shut up! Okay, let's go."

She got up and held her hand out, Craig took it and they headed downstairs to get their baby girl and bring her back up with them to Ashley's room to go to bed, as a family.

_Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you_

_If ever there was a doubt  
My love she leans into me  
This most assuredly counts  
She says most assuredly_

_It's always have and never hold  
You've begun to feel like home  
What's mine is yours to leave or take  
What's mine is yours to make your own_

_Oh, oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you _


	11. In Your Eyes

Chapter 11: In Your Eyes

_Love, I get so lost, sometimes  
Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart  
When I want to run away  
I drive off in my car  
But whichever way I go  
I come back to the place you are_

_All my instincts, they return  
And the grand facade, so soon will burn  
Without a noise, without my pride  
I reach out from the inside_

_In your eyes  
The light the heat  
In your eyes  
I am complete  
In your eyes  
I see the doorway  
In your eyes  
to a thousand churches  
In your eyes  
The resolution of all the fruitless searches  
In your eyes  
Oh, I see the light and the heat  
In your eyes  
Oh, I want to be that complete  
I want to touch the light  
The heat I see in your eyes_

Ashley awoke to the sound of birds chirping outside. She glanced around the quiet room and noticed Julia sleeping soundly in her crib, at which point it occurred to Ashley that the baby had actually slept through the night. As cheesy as it seemed, Ashley wondered if the reason that everything seemed to be more peaceful and happy is because she finally followed her heart which had of course led her back to Craig.

She turned her gaze to him, also sleeping peacefully. She couldn't help but giggle a little when, as if knowing her thoughts even in his sleep, he reached over and pulled her closer.

He opened one eye at the sound of her laughter, "What's so funny?"

She laughed more, "Hey, you're up," then leaned over to place a quick kiss on his lips, "It's nothing, go back to sleep!"

Craig still kept his eyes shut but mumbled, "Not til you tell me what you were laughing at!"

Ashley laughed and kissed him again, "Do you think you'll last long enough for me to tell you?"

He opened his eyes completely this time, "Well, I will if you keep doing that!"

She smiled, "Well, I just realized, I have to get my fill…" she kissed him again to make her point, "since there's not going to be too many opportunities…" another kiss, "when I'm in the hospital."

"Oh, we'll come up with something…you realize I'm officially awake now right?"

Ashley laughed once more, "Sorry!"

Craig shook his head, "Oh, no, it's really okay. Best wake up call I've ever had, most definitely better than Angie jumping up and down on my bed!"

"Glad to be of service! Though I can do the jumping too…"

He raised an eyebrow, "Hmm…kinky."

Ashley shoved him playfully, "I can also push you off of the bed, so behave!"

Craig pulled Ashley closer to him, "Nah, you don't want to do that…"

He kissed her this time, which is the moment Julia chose to wake up crying.

"Ugh, now that wasn't very cool of her…"

He started to get up but Ashley stopped him, "Let me…I mean I won't get to do this for a while so…"

Craig nodded as she got up and went over to Julia's crib. As Ashley picked the baby up he noticed how Julia immediately calmed down and brightened up. It was amazing to watch and he'd never get tired of it.

As Ashley changed Julia's diaper he spoke up, "You know I didn't think it was possible to love you more than I do, but when I watch you with her, I realize that I was wrong. I just fall more in love with you everyday."

Ashley was speechless for a moment, but she quickly recovered, "I know what you mean. It was definitely hard to ignore my feelings for you when I watched you interact with her."

"I still don't know why you bothered fighting your feelings, you know you can never resist me," he said playfully and fully knowing he would annoy her.

Ashley rolled her eyes, but still smiled, "You know that push you off the bed thing is still not off the table."

Craig "tsked" and shook his head, "And what kind of example would you be setting for our child?"

"A good example of the only way to set you straight," she said as she returned to the bed, this time with Julia.

He laughed, "I love you."

She kissed him and laid down on the bed, placing Julia in between them, "I love you too."

After settling in on the bed, all three fell back to sleep almost immediately. They awoke again about an hour later to the sound of Ashley's alarm, alerting them that it was time to get ready to go to the hospital.

* * *

On the way to the hospital, Kate drove with Toby in the front seat and Craig and Ashley on either side of Julia's carseat in the back. When they arrived at their destination, Kate parked the car as the others got out to check Ashley in. 

Once Kate joined the group, the nurse led everyone to Ashley's room, where they were told that everyone could wait with her for the doctor. After the nurse left, everyone stood around, not really knowing what to do or say. The only sound was the noise from a rattle Julia was playing with and a few gurgles from her.

Ashley spoke up, "Can I have a moment alone with Craig please?"

Kate smiled, "Of course, we'll just be outside."

Kate pushed Julia's stroller out of the room and Toby followed.

Craig looked at Ashley apprehensively, "Uh oh, what did I do?"

She smiled and rolled her eyes, "Nothing, silly," she motioned for him to come near and grabbed a hold of his jacket, "I just wanted to get a few more decent kisses in."

"Oh! Can't complain about that…"

Ashley didn't have to pull him anymore as Craig willingly closed the gap between them.

After a moment, Ashley pulled away and sighed, "You know you have the worst timing right?"

"What? I do not!"

"Okay, what do you call running out of a recording studio?"

"Hey! Both times, then and now, I tried before but _you _were too stubborn!"

Ashley didn't have much of a comeback for that, "Yeah, well, it's still all your fault!"

She stuck out her tongue for good measure.

Craig laughed, "Oh, don't tempt me!"

Ashley laughed as well and lightly punched him in the arm, "You are just going to torture yourself with that mind of yours, mister!"

"Yeah, that's probably true! But I'll survive…"

"You're going to have to because I don't want to hear anything about any other girls!"

She had said it jokingly enough, but Craig's face became very serious, "Ash, you know that's not even an issue! There's only three girls in my life and that's you, Julia, and Angie. And luckily one of them is too young to nag me yet."

"Oh, it'll come soon enough, I plan on teaching her well."

"Well I guess I'm screwed then, what with your mom too, although she's been surprisingly nag-free for a while."

"Yeah, to you maybe. Now I'm the one she nags, but that was for a good cause since she got me to give us another chance."

Craig smiled triumphantly, "Yeah, that mom of yours is a smart one…maybe me and her can work together to keep those male nurses away from you."

Ashley grinned at the opportunity, "Oh, but they'll provide some much needed entertainment."

He narrowed his eyes at her, "Are you trying to make me jealous? Because it's working, so stop!"

Ashley laughed again, "Okay, I'm kidding, I doubt they would even want me okay?"

Craig shook his head, "Well in that case, they're blind and stupid…but to my advantage."

He moved to kiss her again but a knock on the door interrupted them, Kate entered after Ashley shouted, "Come in!"

"Sweetie, you have about five minutes before the doctor is going to come in to get started."

Ashley nodded, "Okay, thanks mom, can you bring Julia back in please?"

"Sure." Kate exited the room for a few seconds and reemerged with Julia, who was still happily playing with her toy, and brought her to Ashley.

Ashley just stared at Julia for a good minute before she spoke, "God, this is so hard!"

Craig immediately wrapped his arms around her, noting the tears threatening to fall from her eyes, "Oh, Ash, please don't."

She sniffled and fought to keep the tears in, "I'm sorry, it's just that I'm so used to being around her everyday, you know? Always there whenever she cries or anything…and now, I can't do that."

"But you will still see her everyday, Ash. Your mom and I will be here all the time!"

"I know, but it's not the same…I just don't want her to forget about me."

Craig looked at her incredulously, "Ash, that's ridiculous! She won't, I promise…we'll look at your pictures all the time!"

Finally, Ashley laughed, "Aww…I can just picture that…"

He held her a little tighter, "So, see, it'll work out…just focus on getting better so you can be home sooner!"

She nodded, "Yeah, okay," then returned her focus to Julia, "Well, little one, you be good for your daddy and grandma…and uncle Toby too I guess…and don't do anything too cute or big without me okay?"

Julia just responded with a happy giggle.

"I'll take that as an 'okay'."

Another knock on the door resounded through the small room and Kate walked in again.

"Ash, it's time. We have to go now."

Ashley took a deep breath and glanced at Craig, who squeezed her hand reassuringly.

Kate brought the stroller to the side of Ashley's bed so that Julia could be placed back inside. Ashley kissed her daughter on her head and reluctantly put her in the stroller.

Kate stroked Ashley's hair and gave her a hug, "I love you, honey."

Ashley returned the hug, "I love you too, Mom."

Kate pushed the stroller away towards the door and Toby walked up to give Ashley a really quick hug, though it was obvious he cared.

"Get better soon, Ash."

Ashley smiled, "Thanks Toby, I'll try."

He walked away and Craig came around from the other side of the bed, they hugged for a while.

"You'll be fine, I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

Ashley hugged him tighter, "Love you too."

Craig kissed her quickly and backed away slowly until he was at the doorway where he took over the stroller for Kate.

Ashley waved to everyone one last time and attempted to gather her strength to prepare for the next couple of months.

_Love, I don't like to see so much pain  
So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away  
I get so tired, working so hard for our survival  
I look to the time with you, to keep me awake and alive_

_All my instincts, they return  
And the grand facade, so soon will burn  
Without a noise, without my pride  
I reach out from the inside_

_In Your Eyes _


	12. Into The Ocean

Chapter 12: Into The Ocean

"_Into The Ocean" property of Blue October_

**_A/N: While this chapter doesn't actually have any Ashley in it, she's still the central focus. I wanted to delve a little deeper into how others were adjusting._**

_You're floating up and down  
I spin, colliding into sound  
Like whales beneath me diving down  
I'm sinking to the bottom of my   
Everything that freaks me out  
The lighthouse beam has just run out  
I'm cold as cold as cold can be_

_I want to swim away but don't know how  
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean  
Let the waves up take me down  
Let the hurricane set in motion  
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down   
Let the rain come down_

Kate twisted the key to unlock the front door and everyone trudged through, clearly unhappy that they were coming home short one person. Jeff walked in quickly from the kitchen, still in his work clothes.

"Hey, how did it go?", he asked almost too cheerfully but it was evident he was just trying to be helpful.

"Fine" followed by "Mmhmm" were the mumbled responses from Craig and Toby as they continued trudging all the way to the couch. Toby flopped himself down but Craig sat down more carefully, as he was holding a sleeping Julia.

Kate offered a more comprehensive response, "It went as well as could be expected, we're going back to visit first thing in the morning."

"Well, that's good. Maybe I can go into work later so I can pop by as well."

Kate managed a smile, "That would be nice," she paused to look around at the gloomy faces that surrounded her, "well, how about some dinner?"

After receiving essentially the same responses to Jeff's question from the boys, Kate headed into the kitchen anyway to start preparing the first meal she would be doing as the only adult female in the house for a while. She pushed that thought out of her head as she surveyed what could be made, immediately deciding against anything with onions, as that would create an easy excuse to let some tears flow.

Kate wondered who had it worst in this situation out of Ashley, Craig, Julia, and herself. She realized the answer was likely that it was equally painful for each of them. And yet, she was going through every parent's worst nightmare: the possibility of their child dying before they do. Ashley was not only Kate's only girl, but she was her only biological child…she loved Toby with all her heart, but there was no way to place them on completely equal ground. She gave birth to Ashley, raised her from a baby, the feelings were bound to be different. This situation was taking a lot out of Kate, she tried to always seem confident and sure, but she was actually completely terrified. But she had to be the strong one, she was the mother after all. So, as always, she kept her "game face" on and continued to prepare dinner.

* * *

They managed to get through the meal in peace, albeit not much was heard except for the clinking of silverware. The only one to completely finish his plate was Jeff. Kate finished hers with the exception of a few pieces of corn, but she really didn't feel much like eating, it was just part of her routine. Toby was simply pushing most of his food around the plate, and eventually just asked to be excused. Craig was slowly eating his meal, but even if he had wanted to finish, he was cut short by Julia finally waking from her surprisingly long nap.

She was fussy enough, like normal. But instead of calming down once she was picked up, she continued to cry and even seemed to become more upset.

Toby, having not reached the top of the stairs yet, shouted down, "Perfect. What did you do, dude?"

Craig shrugged helplessly and tried his best to soothe the hysterical infant in his arms, "Nothing!" He winced when the decibel of his voice appeared to set Julia off more. He remembered how Ashley said Julia was hysterical when she was sick so he felt her head…normal.

"She's probably hungry and wet, I can start a bottle for her," offered Kate.

Craig nodded, "Yeah, okay thanks. I'll go change her."

Though Craig was pretty sure Kate couldn't hear him over Julia's cries, she nodded anyway and got up to prepare the bottle as Jeff cleared the table. Craig started up the stairs to Ashley's room. As soon as he opened the door, his stomach dropped and he felt a pang in his heart.

Though he didn't have time to reflect much on that or anything else since Julia's cries were as loud as ever. He was trying to be calm about it but the truth was he had never seen her cry so much or so intensely. He set her down on the changing table and rubbed his eyes, sighing heavily. After practically fighting with her flailing legs to get the diaper off, he put some powder on her and sealed the fresh diaper. There was no change, except that now she was choking a little from crying so hard.

Craig sighed again and picked her up. Holding one hand underneath her head and the other under her bottom, he held her in front of him and attempted to talk to her, "Come on, baby, what is it?"

He looked into her eyes that looked so much like Ashley's and watched the giant tears slide out of them. At this point it was hard to keep his eyes from doing the same. Suddenly, he had a thought of what might be wrong.

Kate knocked once and entered the room, "Well, I can see the changing didn't work," she said as she walked over with the freshly made bottle and presented it to Craig.

He took it and before attempting to give it to Julia, who seemed completely uninterested, he turned to Kate.

"I think I know what it is…she misses Ash. I mean, she was probably the last face that Julia remembers before she fell asleep, she was probably expecting to wake up to her too."

Kate pursed her lips. "Yes, I guess that's entirely possible," was all she managed to say.

Craig sighed for the third time in less than 30 minutes and focused his attention back on Julia, he touched the bottle to her lips but she just kept crying. Her mouth wide open and lips trembling, tears still poured out of her tiny eyes.

Craig returned the bottle to Kate, "I have an idea."

"Do you need my help?"

He shook his head but reconsidered, "Actually, where does Ashley keep all her pictures?"

Kate looked surprised as if that was the last thing she expected but then a look of realization crossed her face. "Box underneath her bed, there's also some albums on the shelf in the hallway if you need those."

"Okay, thanks, I'll try the box first."

Kate nodded, "Okay, well just let me know if you need anything else." She placed the still full bottle on the dresser next to Ashley's bed, turned and walked out, closing the door behind her.

Craig set Julia down on the bed, knowing that leaving his arms for a minute wouldn't make much of a difference in her state. He bent down and flipped up the cover of Ashley's bed, sure enough there was a large shoebox that when he reached to pull it out, was rather heavy. He picked it up and brought it to the bed, setting it down on the opposite side and lifted Julia up once more. He settled back on the bed with her in one arm and slightly resting on his chest. Craig reached for the box with the other hand and took the cover off, it was filled to the brim with pictures.

The ones at the top were, perhaps not surprisingly, of himself and Ashley. Some with their friends but most were of just the two of them. He picked up one that Sally took of them the night of the wedding rehearsal party. That was taken of course before the wardrobe change and the disastrous proposal. Sally took the picture when they were dancing, so they have their arms wrapped around each other and big smiles on their faces. Looking at it now made his heart flutter and the corners of his mouth turn up.

He placed the picture right in front of Julia's line of vision. It took her a minute but she appeared to register what she was looking at and, amazingly, fell silent, with the exception of a few gasps. He quickly reached for another picture which happened to be one of just Ashley. It was one that he took of her one day when he was messing around with his old camera. Even though she was smiling in the picture, he remembered that she was annoyed with him because he snapped the shot of her when she was lying in his bed…not exactly fully dressed. It wasn't by any means a pornographic shot or anything like that but, being Ashley, she was still a bit peeved. But she just as quickly let it go. He mentally noted to look for the rest of the pictures from that day after Julia finally fell asleep, if she ever did. This seemed to be doing the trick though. Julia was mesmerized by the picture which Craig had switched to the same hand that was holding her as he reached for her bottle. She accepted it this time.

Much to his relief, Julia fell asleep soon after. Craig smiled and looked at the picture once more, "I love you, Ash."

A few minutes had passed when Kate ever so carefully opened the door with an arched eyebrow.

Craig laughed. "It worked," he whispered.

"I can see, well, hear that," Kate whispered back, an impressed look on her face.

Kate padded farther into the room. Keeping her voice low, she asked, "So, you are planning on staying here right?"

Craig nodded. As strange as it was since Ashley was no longer in the house for a while, there also seemed like no other option.

"I couldn't take her to Joey's and I think she's having enough trouble without Ash, plus, I just couldn't be away from her for too long…"

Kate shook her head, letting him know that no explanation was needed, "No, I wouldn't have it any other way. You're very much welcome here."

"Thank you, Kate."

Kate patted his hand, "Not a problem. Now, let's get some rest so we can go see our girl tomorrow."

Kate exited the room once more and Craig very carefully put Julia in her crib, praying that she wouldn't wake up crying. Thankfully, she didn't. He returned to the bed and looked through more pictures. Ashley's smiling face was the last thing he saw before he drifted off to sleep.

_Where is the coastguard  
I keep looking each direction  
For a spotlight, give me something  
I need something for protection  
I'm treading for my life believe me  
(How can I keep up this breathing)_

_Not knowing how to think  
I scream aloud, begin to sink  
My legs and arms are broken down  
With envy for the solid ground  
I'm reaching for the life within me  
How can one man stop his ending  
I thought of just your face  
Relaxed, and floated into space_

_I want to swim away but don't know how   
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean  
Let the waves up take me down  
Let the hurricane set in motion  
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down  
Let the rain come down   
Let the rain come down_


	13. If I Found the Right Words to Say

Chapter 13: If I Found the Right Words to Say

"_If I Found the Right Words to Say" property of Snow Patrol_

_Right about now if I'd found the right words to say  
I'd tell you you're safe and take hold of your hand  
I'll be there by your side for the rest of your life  
Our bodies could fall off the end of the world  
Something told me we'd be happy forever  
I don't see how this could change any of that  
I will follow your ghost as it climbs up the rockface  
And lie with you on the grass above  
_

_And I'd like to change all this  
And I'd like to wake up from this  
By your side_

"Toby, please hurry," Kate shouted from outside, she and Craig on their way to the car.

Toby emerged a few minutes later looking like a zombie, though none of the other occupants of the house looked much better. Unfortunately, the problem with Julia occurred three more times in the night and even though Craig's method of calming her still worked eventually, her initial wails had still woken the entire house.

Toby shut the car door quietly so as not to disturb the latest sleep time for Julia and start the problem all over again. "We really should invest in ear plugs."

Craig shifted his eyes guiltily, "Sorry, man…"

Toby shrugged, "No, I get it, that's what babies do…it would just be nice to have a defense mechanism."

Kate smirked at Toby, "Well enjoy that option while you have it Toby, it disappears when you're the parent."

Craig sighed and nodded from his position in the backseat, a pacifier in one hand and picture of Ashley in the other, just in case there was another incident on the way to the hospital.

Looking at the picture again, he was surprised at just how much he missed Ashley and anticipated seeing her again after only a day apart. He couldn't imagine what Julia felt, since she had no way of knowing or understanding why her mother wasn't around all of a sudden. Even as painful as it was now, he was relieved that Julia wasn't older and more aware, and particularly, not at an age where she could remember anything.

He found himself nodding off when the car seemed to jerk to a stop. His head whipped up and he saw that they were now in the hospital parking lot.

Kate looked sheepishly in the rearview mirror, "Sorry about that."

"It's okay, better jerking car than screaming baby."

Toby emphatically nodded his agreement as they all started to get out of the car. Jeff had parked next to them, having driven his own car so that he could head straight to work after the visit.

Inside they were told that only two visitors could be in the room at a time, though Julia wasn't included in that, and they were limited to ten minutes each, 30 minutes total. They were also given gloves and masks to wear so as to prevent the spreading of germs to Ashley.

"Cool," said Toby, "I feel like I'm going into surgery or something."

Craig shrugged, "I had enough of playing with that stuff when I was a kid," when this received strange looks from everyone he elaborated, "…my dad was a doctor."

The others nodded in realization.

"So," Kate started, "who's going in first? Jeff, since you have to work, you and Toby can go. Unless…Craig, maybe you should go in with Julia first for a few minutes. She probably would like to see the two of you the most."

"Oh, well, if that's okay with Jeff…"

"It's not a problem, I can go in to work a little later. Go ahead."

"Okay," Craig started to move but then noticed that Julia was still sleeping, "Uh, do we dare wake her up in hopes she won't cry around Ash?"

Kate shrugged, "Well, just start with taking her out of the carseat and see what happens."

Toby muttered sarcastically, "Great plan! Let's hope it works. I wonder if the hospital has earplugs…"

Ignoring Toby, Craig set the carseat down on the floor and very carefully unlatched the constraints that held Julia in place. He placed his hands under her arms and slowly lifted her out of the seat. He managed to get her all the way up, head resting against his shoulder. Craig glanced to the group triumphantly but his face fell when he saw Toby's wide eyes.

"What?"

"Her eyes are open, she's staring right at me!", Toby said looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"Well, don't look like that! You're going to _make_ her cry!"

Toby attempted a really fake smile but it was too late, Julia started to fuss. Before she could get any farther with her cries Craig quickly grabbed the doorknob to Ashley's room and went inside.

Ashley was lying on the bed, propped up by her pillows. She looked sullen and drained, with visible bags under her eyes that didn't seem to hold any joy. Ashley looked over when the she heard the door and her face instantly brightened when she saw Craig standing there with Julia.

"Hey!" she said as Julia's face still contorted with frustration and she finally let out a sob.

"Oh, what happened?" Ashley said in her baby voice to Julia even though she knew Craig would be the one to respond.

"She just woke up," Craig said as he went over to the bed and tried to get Julia to face Ashley, "Look! Look, Julia, its Mommy!"

Ashley smiled and stroked Julia's head, "Hi baby! I missed you!"

Julia stopped crying and looked back at Ashley, not surprisingly she started to smile.

Craig looked at Ash expectantly, "And you too!" she said looking at him. She raised an eyebrow and added, "Nice getup."

"Yeah, thanks. At least they didn't make Julia wear it…the gloves would cover her entire arms, and the mask half her face."

Ashley frowned, "I can't see half of your face! And it's a really good half…"

Craig laughed, "Are you suggesting that I break the rules?"

She shrugged innocently, "Nobody has to know."

He shook his head, "Yeah, except me if you end up getting sick."

"I'm already sick!"

"You know what I mean…here," Craig pulled the mask down and leaned forward, placing a kiss on Ashley's forehead.

Ashley smiled tightly, disappointed. "Gee, thanks...So, Julia just woke up, what about you? You look a little worn out yourself."

Craig sighed, "Um, yeah, we had some issues last night."

"Uh oh."

"Yeah, she basically flipped out when she woke up after we had gotten home from the hospital."

Ashley focused on Julia, who was still staring back at her happily. "Aw. What was wrong?"

"The only thing I could come up with is that she was confused and upset that you weren't there."

Ashley looked slightly surprised, "Really?"

"Yeah, she wouldn't stop crying and she wouldn't eat…so I actually ended up looking at pictures of you with her."

Now she looked really surprised, "You did not!"

"No, I really did, and it worked."

"Aw, poor baby," she said but corrected, "or should I say poor babies?"

Craig laughed, "Yeah, it was pretty rough. So there's your motivation, we can't survive without you!"

Ashley smiled, "Well, I'll try my best."

He put his hand on her knee, "Well, I have to step out…"

Before he could finish his sentence, Ashley interrupted, "No! Already?"

He laughed again, "…so that the others can have a turn! I'll be back in with your mom in a bit."

She smiled sheepishly, "Oh, well good!"

"Do you want me to leave her here with you?"

"Yeah, please,"

"Yeah, that's probably the safest bet…" Craig said as he handed Julia over to Ashley.

Once in her mother's arms, Julia immediately laid her head on Ashley's shoulder and grabbed a fistful of her shirt in one tiny hand. Craig looked on, the image both making him happy and breaking his heart.

He backed up to the door and exited. Jeff and Toby went in next and Kate walked up to Craig, curious by the look on his face.

"How is she?" she asked, concerned.

Craig sighed for what felt like the 100th time in the last 24 hours, "Tired, she was pretty upbeat when I was in there, but she looked sad when I first went in."

Kate nodded, "Well, that's understandable…but she's trying."

"Yeah, I just feel so helpless, knowing that she's probably miserable the rest of the time. Like, there's something else I should be doing."

Kate put a hand on Craig's shoulder, "I know, believe me I'm her mother I racked my brain trying to come up with something that I can do. But, there's really nothing we can do…just, visit as often as we can and pray for the best."

Five minutes later, Jeff and Toby exited the room. Toby waited outside as Kate and Craig went in.

"Hey, mom," Ashley greeted.

Kate went up to Ashley and gave her a hug. "Hey, sweetie, how are you feeling?"

Ashley shrugged, "Pretty crappy. But, I have to feel like that before I get better right? That's part of the deal."

Kate nodded solemnly, "Yeah, I know it's hard…"

"Mom, it's okay. We don't need to talk about this. I'd rather not…"

Craig changed the subject quickly, "Hey, look at that, she's asleep again. It's no wonder, she's probably completely exhausted."

Ashley smiled as she glanced down at Julia. She looked to Kate and asked, "So, how's he really doing all by himself?"

"Good," Kate responded.

"Good, just as I thought." Ashley smiled.

Craig raised his eyebrows, "Well, the bar was set pretty high, but I'm doing my best. Any tips if she finally catches on and those pictures stop working?"

Ashley considered for a minute, "Hmm…it seems to calm her if you rub behind her ear, and I tended to listen to a lot of Classical music when I was in England and pregnant with her, so Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata usually does the trick."

Craig nodded, "Okay, good to know. Thanks."

She smiled, "No problem. You'll problem have some new tricks of your own by the time I get out of here."

"I'll keep you updated."

Ashley was about to respond when there was a light knock on the door, followed a nurse's head peeking in, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but the visitation time is just about up."

Craig nodded curtly, "Yeah, thanks."

Ashley looked down sadly, stroking Julia's hair and watching her breathe in and out as she slept.

Kate approached Ashley first and stroked her hair. "See you tomorrow."

Ashley continued to look down. "Okay, mom, bye."

Kate passed by Craig on her way to the door as he reluctantly stepped forward as well.

Ashley looked up at him, "Can you just conveniently forget her? Or better yet, take her and just hide in my bathroom."

He laughed, "I wish I could, believe me."

She nodded and tried to blink away tears, "Well, take her fast cause it's getting harder to let her go."

Craig bent down to kiss the top of Ashley's head and whispered, "You're doing great. Love you."

She pursed her lips, "Love you both too."

They attempted to move Julia from Ashley's arms to Craig's carefully, but it was no use. She woke up and immediately began to cry as she had the night before. Craig shut his eyes and exhaled sharply. He held Ashley's hand for a second as he began to walk away, just letting Julia cry as there was nothing else to do.

Ashley tried to put on a happy face for Julia but she herself was crying, again.

"It's alright hunny, I'll see you soon," she tried even though Julia had no way of understanding those words.

Once they were gone and Julia's cries disappeared down the hall, Ashley took a few deep breaths, trying to control her emotions. She closed her eyes in an attempt to fall asleep and try to forget about the heartbreaking look on Julia's face as Craig took her away.

Suddenly she felt a presence in the room, she opened her eyes to find, go figure, a male nurse standing in the doorway. He was a tall guy with jet black hair and green eyes. He was looking at her sympathetically.

"Ms. Kerwin is it?"

"That's what it says on my charts."

"Well, I'm sorry to interrupt, Ms. Kerwin, but it's time to take your blood sample for today."

Ashley sighed and sat up in the bed with some effort, "Fine."

The nurse stepped in further and started to prepare the needle and bag

"A pretty girl like you shouldn't look so sad."

Ashley resisted rolling her eyes, "Well, I've kind of had a rough day. No, scratch that, a rough month."

"Well, I'm sorry about that. Maybe it will get better."

She knew he was basically hitting on her but didn't have the energy to tell him off. Instead, she let him stick her with a needle and hoped that he'd just take the hint and leave her alone afterward. The tiny shallow part inside of her was just a little relieved that she obviously didn't look as repulsive as she had originally thought. She wondered if she'd have to tell Craig that he was right about those male nurses, then thought better of it, it'd be best if he didn't know.

_How did we ever survive for this length of time  
Living with only a care in the world  
But the light that shines from her whenever she's happy  
Is worth every minute that we've saved ourselves  
Maybe there's hope in just one final second  
A flash of her love as she waves us goodbye  
Don't torture yourself with what we might have given  
We did everything that we could ever do_

_And I'd like to change all this  
And I'd like to wake up from this  
By your side_


	14. All My Love

Chapter 14: All My Love

_**There is a sort of "flashback" to a past conversation that occurred between this chapter and the last one, it will appear in italics to differentiate from the present.**_

"_All My Love" property of Led Zeppelin. This is kind of a weird song choice, but I thought ultimately it fit with the end of the chapter._

_Should I fall out of love, my fire in the light  
To chase a feather in the wind  
Within the glow that weaves a cloak of delight  
There moves a thread that has no end._

_For many hours and days that pass ever soon  
The tides have caused the flame to dim  
At last the arm is straight, the hand to the loom  
Is this to end or just begin?_

_All of my love, all of my love, All of my love for you_

Craig glanced down at the list in his hand again, perhaps hoping that the stuff he needed would magically appear in the cart.

"Ooh! There's the toy section! Can we go over there, Craig?" Angie said excitedly as she grabbed Craig's hand with both of hers and started to drag him in the direction of the toys.

It wasn't difficult to stay in the spot that he had been standing and resist Angie's attempts to move him, "Yeah, we can, Ang, but after we get the stuff on our list, okay?"

"Alright," she said, somewhat disappointed, but she quickly changed her subject of interest, "Can I push the cart?"

Craig had never felt more like a parent than he did at this moment, pushing a cart containing the carseat of his nearly 5-month-old daughter and keeping his eye on his 9-year-old sister, who was actually supposed to be the "helper" on this trip. Something told him she'd actually make it more complicated.

He hesitated at the thought of Angie pushing the cart, as she could barely see over it with Julia's carseat in place. "How about you just be my guide in the front?"

Angie sighed, defeated again, "Okay."

He was hardly ever the one who told Angie "no". Not yet 18, he already felt like he had aged 15 years and should be going straight home after this trip to the wife with dinner waiting on the table. But, there was no wife waiting at home, there wasn't even a girlfriend at home. Instead, she was in the hospital where he, Angie, and Julia had left her this morning, still recovering. She was still up and down in her moods, but her spirits were always high when he visited her. Julia was also doing much better, she still had her moments when she'd get real upset and it would take a few tries to soothe her. Craig pretty much had a routine down: first he tried the ear thing Ashley mentioned (but that really only worked when she was just slightly upset), then he went for the pictures, and if that didn't work he tried the music or a combination of the last two. The first day after he tried the music, he had gone to visit Ash and they had a funny little "argument" about it.

"_Oh, and by the way that song you told me to play for her was really depressing!" Craig said with an assured nod._

_Ashley laughed. "What? The Beethoven song? It's romantic!"_

_He shook his head, "Uh, no, it's depressing!"_

_She still smiled, clearly amused. "Well, did it work?"_

"_Yeah, but it almost made me cry a little," he said jokingly._

"_It's said that he wrote it for the woman he loved," she said matter of factly._

_Craig considered this for a moment and rolled his eyes, surrendering, "Fine, then it's romantic. But it still sounds depressing to me!"_

_She tilted her head and gave him a grin, "Well, that's because I wasn't there to listen to it with you!"_

"_Hmm…you've got a good point there. Maybe I'd like it better if you played it for me. Can you play it?"_

"_I practiced it a lot in England, but I can't play the whole thing."_

"_That's okay, you can just play the non-depressing parts then," he said with a sly smile, knowing she'd get irritated that he brought it up again._

"_It's not depressing! But, if you want a song that sounds romantic, to the casual listener anyway, go with the Pathetique Sonata."_

"_Well, excuse me, miss expert. I'll have to go brush up on my ear for classical music themes."_

_Ashley just smiled again and rolled her eyes playfully._

He and Kate had started to visit Ashley separately because Kate was working more often and she had to fit in the visits around her work schedule. And ever since he had been staying in the house, he offered to take up more responsibilities in order to help out. And so he was in their local retail store, picking up some things that were needed around the house. In particular, stuff for Julia. She was in need of formula, diapers, and wipes. Just walking up to the department that held this stuff was stressful, there were at least five aisles worth of products.

He looked at the list again and sighed, "Why didn't I just offer to do yardwork?"

"What?" Angie asked, looking at him funny.

"Nothing."

He stopped in front of the formula, and stared dumbfounded at the approximately 10-foot long section that was full of different colored containers. There were brand names, generic names, different sizes and colors. Overall, it was an entirely different experience than he had been anticipating.

"Wow, that's a lot of baby formula," Angie observed.

"No kidding," Craig agreed, "Why on earth do babies need so many choices?"

He squint his eyes at one container that was directly in front of him, "What is 'Isomil'? Is that good?"

Angie shrugged. He looked down at Julia who was staring back at him with her big blue-grey eyes. At least she seemed decently happy.

Craig gave one last look at the formula then shook his head to try to clear out the confusion, "Okay, let's go for diapers and wipes first."

He thought that may have been easier, but once again just like the formula there was an entire aisle full of the items to choose from. The baby wipes selection included "extra sensitive" and "natural care", neither of which helped to make a decision but rather made it all the more difficult. Which one should he choose? Was there a right or wrong one?

So, he did the only thing he thought might help in this situation, "Angie, pick two."

Angie looked puzzled but excited to be helping with something, "Ummm…". She said that for about 20 seconds before grabbing two and handing them to Craig.

He then held one in each hand in front of Julia, "Okay, help me out here kid, which one do you want?"

Angie slapped her own forehead but giggled a little, "Craig, I don't think she knows what you're saying."

"Well, no, but she still might pick one and therefore it's good enough for me."

Craig waved the two packages playfully in front of Julia's face and after giggling a little bit, she moved her right arm slightly towards the package in his left hand.

"And it's settled," he tossed the package into the cart as Angie laughed some more.

"I don't think you should pick the formula that way," she said thoughtfully.

"Well, no, I think I'm just gonna have to call Kate on that one."

After speaking to Kate on the phone and getting her advice, they finally left the infants section and went to pick up a few food necessities, then as promised, the toy section for Angie. Craig had never been happier to hand over his money and leave a store than he was on this day.

* * *

Ashley felt horrible. But not in the physical, her body ached and she wanted to vomit kind of way that she usually did lately. At the moment she felt horrible because she was talking to that male nurse again, whose name she found out (not by asking) was Daniel. After that first day, he persisted and kept coming to see her and at first, she was very cold and indifferent to him. At one point she just blurted out that she has a boyfriend and a baby, so he's wasting his time. He naturally acted insulted and told her profusely that the reason he visited her was not to hit on her (though she never really did believe it). However, if she always sat by herself she just had lots of time to think about her condition and the frustration, so he provided a welcome distraction. She was beginning to actually consider Daniel a friend, except that it still seemed like the minute she was better and getting out of there, he'd pounce. 

Her newest dilemma was whether or not to tell Craig about Daniel. She had other "friends" in the hospital that visited her, but they were female nurses. Her biggest fear was that she would worry him over nothing. But then if she didn't say anything, she felt like she was keeping something from him. So she decided to test the waters and see how he reacted to a hypothetical situation.

Craig went through his usual routine when visiting. He walked in, took her hand, gave her a kiss on the forehead or the top of her head or pretty much anywhere that was not near the general vicinity of her lips, which was getting mildly irritating but she knew that it was for the best. He set Julia's carseat down on the bed next to Ashley and took a seat behind it.

Ashley looked at her baby for a minute, "Oh my gosh! She's already getting bigger, everyday since I've been here! Has she done anything new?"

Craig shrugged, "Nope. But I've learned some new things."

She laughed, "Oh, really? Such as?"

"It's impossible to make a simple trip to the store to buy stuff for a baby, there is way too much of a selection."

"Well, I'm sure you managed to come out of it fine."

"I guess. But it still doesn't make sense why babies need so many choices."

She smiled and rolled her eyes, changing the subject. "So you just missed something exciting here."

He furrowed his brows, "What's that?"

Ashley smiled mischievously, "Oh, Jo just finished my sponge bath."

"What?" Craig looked like he was about to fall over, "Please tell me that 'Jo' is short for 'Josephine'."

Ashley continued to smile, "Actually, it's Joanna."

He shook his head, "Are you trying to kill me?"

"No, why would I do that? I love you," she said sweetly.

"And yet you enjoy causing me pain. And where was I when these sponge bath duties were being passed out?" He said, waggling his eyebrows.

Ashley shook her head, "Something tells me to doubt that you'd actually get much done."

"Oh, I'd get something done."

She pretended to cover Julia's ears, "Shh! Not in front of the baby!"

He laughed, "Its okay, Ash, I don't think she knows what we're talking about."

Ashley's face became more serious, "There is something I need to talk to you about though,"

"Well, that doesn't sound good."

"No! No, it's not bad it's just. Well, you know how you predicted the male nurse thing?"

"Oh God, yes."

Ashley took a breath. "Well, I guess you were kinda right. But, there's only one guy that only sort of hit on me at first, but I set him straight and told him about you and Julia and now he's just more like a friend. There's a lot of nurses that come to visit me and try to make me feel better."

Craig rolled his eyes, "Yeah, well I'm sure he's the only one that has something very specific in mind."

"Craig, it's not like that, I promise. You trust me, don't you?"

"Yes! Of course I trust you, it's just other guys I don't trust. I am a guy you know, I know how we think."

She smirked, "Well, I can take care of myself. Don't worry."

"I know, I just don't like the idea of some other guy trying to move in on you."

She touched his cheek with her hand, "Well, just bring me a framed picture of you and Julia, I can display you guys for all to see. Just don't write your name on me or anything like that."

Craig laughed and Ashley did a little too, but it was evident that she was getting worn out.

"Alright, well as much as I don't want to ever leave you here alone again, we should go, let you get some rest."

She took his hand, "Okay, promise you won't worry about it?"

He nodded, "I promise. No one can compare to me anyway."

She shook her head, "As conceited as that remark is, I can't argue."

They said their goodbyes and Craig and Julia exited, leaving Ashley alone again to attempt to get some rest. She laid down and willed herself to get better soon so that she didn't have to deal with this "other guy" nonsense and could be at home with the only guy she wanted, where she belongs.

_Yours is the cloth, mine is the hand that sews time  
His is the force that lies within  
Ours is the fire, all the warmth we can find  
He is a feather in the wind _

_All of my love, all of my love, oh all of my love to you_


	15. Heaven

Chapter 15: Heaven

"_Heaven" property of Bryan Adams (and not that techno group that redid it recently! lol)_

_Oh thinkin' about our younger years  
There was only you and me  
We were young and wild and free  
Now nothin' can take you away from me  
We've been down that road before  
But that's over now  
You keep me comin' back for more_

Like clockwork, Daniel's head popped into Ashley's room first thing in the morning, as soon as he thought she might be up. When he saw that she was indeed awake, he walked into the room with a big grin on his face.

"So, I heard the good news, you're being released next week huh?"

Ashley couldn't help but smile back, because she simply could not wait to get out of there.

"Yep."

He moved to sit next to her on the bed, either not noticing or not caring that Ashley moved away slightly.

"Well, I'm happy for you, but you'll definitely be missed around here. You have to make sure to keep in touch, okay?"

Ashley was planning on just giving him a polite smile and nod, but then his hand crept over and made its resting place just above her knee. He didn't make any further move, but the damage was done. She immediately moved over more pointedly, enough so that his hand was no longer touching her.

She shifted her eyes uncomfortably, "Um, look Daniel, I really appreciate how nice you all have been to me and I'll be back here occasionally for check ups and everything, but I know that you have other intentions…"

He tried to interrupt but Ashley quickly continued.

"…and I told you already, I have a boyfriend and we have a daughter and I'm really happy with them. So, I'm sorry, but I can't come back and see you again. I don't want you to get the wrong idea and think that at some point I'm going to change my mind, because I won't."

She felt a twinge of guilt at being so blunt, but another part of her felt vindicated since at this point he was just being inappropriate.

Daniel nodded, "Fair enough. Can't blame a guy for trying right?"

Ashley just stared at him.

"I do apologize if I made you uncomfortable, you're just a really incredible person, I guess I was kind of hoping that I had a chance. This guy of yours, Craig, he's a lucky guy."

Ashley smiled, "Nah, we just finally got smart. I guess I won't be feeling too lucky until I know the outcome of this transplant."

"You'll be fine, this hospital has a good record with these. Plus, if anyone can pull through it, you can."

* * *

Craig finished his daily errands a little sooner than expected, so he arrived at The Dot to meet Ellie earlier than the time she had suggested. 

He set Julia's carseat down on a stool as he waited for a server to come over so he could order a drink. He felt a light tap on the same arm he was holding the baby on, but it wasn't light enough to come from her. He turned slightly to find Manny standing behind him.

He moved to face her completely, a look of surprise on his face, "Manny!"

She smiled brightly, which relieved him a bit as it gave him the impression that she had no hard feelings towards him.

"Hey!" she greeted, then immediately noticing Julia she added, "Oh, wow, so this is yourbaby!"

He nodded, vaguely wondering how awkward this situation was going to get, "Yep."

He heard the bell on the door jingle and out of his peripheral vision saw a redhead walk in, Ellie. She walked up to the little reunion looking slightly puzzled as Manny seemed to pay no attention to her presence. Before anyone could say another word, another party joined the circle.

"Aww! What a cute baby!" squealed Darcy, "Whose is it?"

Craig threw a confused look over to Ellie, who looked as if she was about to burst out laughing any minute, "Uh, mine."

Darcy's eyes nearly bugged out of her head, "Oh wow, Manny, you didn't tell me about this."

"Darcy, shut up."

Ignoring Manny, Darcy continued, "What's her name?"

As Darcy attempted to tickle Julia under her chin, Craig answered, "It's Julia."

Ellie was still standing to the side, still completely ignored but highly amused.

"Hi Julia! Aww, you are just so precious!" Darcy looked to Craig, "Can I hold her?"

"Um, sure," he said as he handed the baby over. She didn't seem very happy with the switch, but didn't cry.

Craig returned his attention to Manny as he tried to ignore Darcy's attempts at making Julia smile, which the entire restaurant was beginning to take notice of. "So, how are you doing?"

"Really well, actually. I'm back at home with my parents, my dad is really trying to be more understanding and supportive. We've come up with a compromise, no auditions while I'm still in high school, but after that, he agreed to let me try acting out for a bit and if it doesn't work out I have to go to college. But the fact that he is even letting me do that is pretty amazing"

"Wow, that's really good."

"Yeah, I'm really happy about it…"

She was interrupted by Darcy, "Hmm, she doesn't want to be happy for me, you try you're good with babies!"

Before Manny could protest, Darcy was placing the baby into her arms and she had no other choice but to hold her.

"Um, I…" She looked like she was torn between being uncomfortable and doting over the baby as Darcy had. Before she could really make a decision, Julia started crying.

"Ooh, she doesn't like me! Has she been trained?" she joked.

"No, she's just not used to being held by other people I guess, it's usually only family around her," Craig responded.

Julia reached her tiny arms out as far as she could towards Craig.

"Aw, she's doing the reach for me! She's never done that before!"

Manny rolled her eyes, "Well, take her!"

"Right," he reached over to take Julia back and she immediately rested her head on his shoulder, happy to be back in familiar arms, he kissed her head instinctively.

Darcy smiled, "Aww! You're so good with her, where's her mommy?" she asked innocently.

Manny interjected again, "Darcy, I beg of you…"

Ellie, who was now seated on a stool drinking an iced tea, put a hand to her forehead.

"Uh, it's okay," Craig said as Darcy stood there confused.

Manny spoke up again, "Well, speaking of, she looks so much like Ashley."

He nodded and smoothed a couple curls off of Julia's forehead.

"Who's Ashley? Oh! I think I remember what you told…"

At Manny's glare, Darcy pretended like she was zipping her lips

"Well, anyway, I guess we should get going before this restaurant throws us out or something, come on Darcy."

"Ugh, fine. You're always so bossy. Bye Craig, bye Julia! Bye…um…"

Ellie, still with her back to them, rolled her eyes but didn't bother to provide her name.

"Ellie," Manny whispered.

"Oh, right! Bye Ellie."

Ellie just slurped her drink louder.

"Bye Craig, sorry about…" Manny gestured to Darcy.

"Oh, no it's fine. It was good seeing you, glad to hear you're doing good."

"Thanks, and I hope everything turns out well," she almost walked away before realizing something, she turned back around to add, "Oh, and happy early birthday!"

"Thanks, Manny."

As soon as the girls walked out of the door Ellie whipped around, "Wow."

Craig laughed, "Be nice."

Ellie held up her hands, "I'm always nice." She ignored Craig's incredulous look, "And I say, in the nicest way possible, that was rather painful yet amusing."

"Yeah, it was…odd."

They both began walking to find a table to sit at and finally eat.

"To put it mildly, anyway, are you going to tell Ash about this little encounter?"

Craig shrugged, "I don't know, do you think I should?"

"Yeah, she could use an amusing story, although it would probably be funnier if I tell it."

He rolled his eyes, "Whatever, Nash."

* * *

Ashley was sitting on her hospital bed anxiously, trying not to count down the hours until she would be released in two days. She jumped slightly when the door opened. 

Craig walked in with Julia, "Hey, did I scare you?"

She shook her head, embarrassed, "Oh, no I just…I guess I'm on edge waiting til I get out of here. And…what are you doing here on your birthday! You should be out having a good time!"

He waved his hand dismissively, "My idea of a good time is being here with you."

"Aw, shouldn't I be saying the sweet things on your special day?"

"You still have time," he said shrugging.

Ashley nodded, "Okay, I'll start with, Happy Birthday! I love you."

"That works for me," he said as she kissed him on the cheek.

Ashley pulled back with a strange look on her face, "Hey, where's your protective gear?"

He grinned, "I guess when it's your birthday they bend the rules a little."

She looked at him unconvinced.

"Okay, they made me let them take my temperature and check my throat and stuff to make sure I don't have any germs. But I guess since you're about to get out of here they're less strict."

Ashley laughed, "Yeah, I didn't think it was that easy."

Julia fussed a little and reached out for her mother to hold her. Ashley took her and kissed her cheek.

"So I, uh, had an interesting encounter the other day."

She looked apprehensive, "What does that mean?"

Craig paused for a second, "I ran into Manny."

Ashley rolled her eyes, "Oh, joy. Do I want to hear this story?"

"Ellie thought you would, she was highly amused by the whole thing. But seriously, it was incredibly awkward, she was at The Dot with her friend Darcy who has hardly any knowledge of tact. I mean, she practically forced Manny to hold Julia."

"What? You let her hold my baby!"

"I didn't really have a choice. But if it helps, she immediately started crying."

"Ha! That's my girl," she said, giving Julia an approving smile.

"Well, anyway, I just thought I should tell you so it's not like I'm hiding it from you or anything. Sorta like you did for me with that nurse guy."

"Oh, well you don't need to worry about him anymore."

"Why, did he get fired?" Craig asked hopefully.

Ashley laughed, "No! I just made it clear to him that I won't be seeing anymore of him once I get out of here."

"Well, good…but I still think he should've gotten fired."

She rolled her eyes but still smiled, "Anyway. So, got any big plans for today?"

"Nope, I think they should let me stay here the whole day as my gift."

"Well, as nice as that would be, I don't think the hospital was planning on giving you a gift. Unfortunately, I don't have anything to give you either. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I don't need you to get me anything," he moved to lay down next to her and held her hand that was resting on Julia, "I've got everything I need right here."

"There you go with the sweet talk again! Well there's got to be something I can do for you, I'll have to brainstorm, it's not like I don't have the time."

Craig seemed to consider this, narrowing his eyes. After a moment it appeared that he had an answer to whatever he was pondering.

He looked into her eyes, "Actually, there is one thing you can do."

She arched an eyebrow in question.

"Marry me."

Ashley's mouth fell open, shocked even though it was not the first time he had said those words to her. "What, are you serious?"

"Of course I'm serious. Sorry, I don't have a ring or anything but it's not as if that really helps as we both remember."

She shoved him playfully, "Okay, I will, for real this time."

Craig grinned, "Do you think there's still a no kissing rule?"

Ashley smiled back, "I don't care," she said as she took his face with her free hand and kissed him.

_And baby you're all that I want  
When you're lyin' here in my arms  
I'm findin' it hard to believe  
We're in heaven  
And love is all that I need  
And I found it there in your heart  
It isn't too hard to see  
We're in heaven_

_Oh once in your life you find someone  
Who will turn your world around  
Bring you up when you're feelin' down  
Now, nothin' could change what you mean to me  
There's lots that I could say  
Just hold me now  
Cause our love will light the way_

_I've been waitin' for so long  
For somethin' to arrive  
For love to come along  
Now our dreams are comin' true  
Through the good times and the bad  
Yeah I'll be standin' there by you_


	16. You're My Best Friend

Chapter 16: You're My Best Friend

**A/N: Okay, I mostly used this song cause it's cute and Queen is awesome! It doesn't have too too much to do with the chapter, but still fits overall! )**

_Ooh you make me live  
Whatever this world can give to me,  
It's you, you're all I see  
Ooh you make me live now honey_

_Ooh you make me live  
Oh you're the best friend that I ever had,  
I've been with you such a long time  
You're my sunshine and I want you to know  
That my feelings are true, I really love you  
Oh you're my best friend_

_Ooh you make me live  
Ooh I've been wandering round, but I still come back to you  
In rain or shine, you've stood by me girl  
I'm happy at home, you're my best friend _

Ashley walked into the house slowly with Craig and Kate at each of her sides. She wouldn't allow them to hold onto her, but it was clear that she was fairly weak and struggling a little bit.

She paused for a moment and grinned, "It smells so nice in here!"

Craig looked at her strangely, "Really?"

Kate reached over and smacked him lightly on the back of his head.

Ashley rolled her eyes, "It doesn't smell like hospital, okay, so yeah, that's pretty fabulous to me right about now."

Julia made a noise that sounded something like "ehlah".

"See, someone agrees with me."

Toby came jogging down the stairs, "Hey, welcome back Ash!"

Ashley returned the hug that he offered her, "Thanks Toby."

Jeff stood next to Toby and put a hand on his shoulder, "It's good to have you back, Ashley."

"You can say that again," said Kate, "I can finally another adult female that can speak around here!"

Everyone laughed. "I think you handled yourself pretty well," Jeff said.

Kate turned to Ashley, "Well, the doctor said you need to be on bed rest, so…"

Ashley pouted, "Yeah, yeah, I'm going."

Ashley took Julia out of her car seat and went up the stairs with Craig following behind. Once they reached the room, he held open the door for her and she looked surprised at the appearance of the room as she walked in.

"Wow, you managed to keep it clean."

Craig feigned hurt, "Why is that so surprising!" Ashley gave him a look, "Okay, I specifically cleaned it up yesterday, but it really wasn't that bad!"

Ashley smirked and walked over to place Julia, who was out cold, in her crib. She watched the baby as she settled herself with one arm up, next to her face, still sleeping with her mouth wide open.

"It feels good to be back."

Craig walked up behind her and put his arms around her waist, burying his face in her hair, "Mmhmm, as far as that whole bed rest thing goes, you know I'll be happy to help out with that."

Ashley laughed, "Well, I think that might defeat the purpose of the 'rest' part of it."

"See, now that's not even what I mean!"

She pinched his arm lightly, "That's what you always mean!"

"Or maybe, that's what you always want me to mean…" he leaned in further and began kissing her neck.

Ashley closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation, then abruptly opened them and stepped out of his embrace, "Don't do that!"

Craig pouted, "Why not?"

"Because, you know it leads to…" she gestured towards the bed, "and we still can't do that yet."

He continued to pout, but waggled his eyebrows. "Well, whenever you're up for it you let me know"

She put a hand to his cheek, biting her lip before giving him a grin, "Well, duh."

She suddenly stopped smiling and shut her eyes for a moment, another minor dizzy spell no doubt the cause. Craig looked concerned and gently took her by the shoulders, leading her to the bed.

"Okay, it's time to start this bed rest thing."

Ashley scowled but obediently crawled onto the bed, "I'm fine!"

"Yeah, I'm sure you just got too excited for a second there," he said sarcasticallyas he settled himself in the spot next to her.

Ashley turned her back to him, "That's it, just for that comment you've lost your bed rest privileges."

She felt the bed shift as Craig made a move to get up, "Alright, I'll just leave you alone then."

She grabbed his arm to stop him and pulled him back down to his previous spot, "Smart ass! You know you better be nice to me because I've got something you want and the power to keep it away from you!"

Craig laughed, "Okay, I'm sorry!" he emphasized his point by placing kisses all over her face playfully.

Ashley giggled, "What am I going to do with you?"

"I don't know but you better figure it out cause you're stuck with me!" he said with a smile.

"Speaking of being stuck with each other," she said running a hand through his hair, "are we going to tell anyone about our new status? I mean, we are," she paused, looking down slightly, "engaged now right?"

He grinned, "Yeah, we are. Engaged. Sounds nice. Except I guess I better make it official and get you a ring huh?"

"It doesn't matter…if the offer still stands on the first one I'll take that."

"Oh yeah, of course, I'll have to get it from Angie," at Ashley's confused look he elaborated, "long story but I gave it to her to keep and told her to give it to you after your dads wedding but I completely forgot she still had it after my hospital stint."

She nodded her head but her mind drifted off, remembering what the ring looked like on her finger the one time she had it on.

_Ashley was sitting at one of the tables under the tent that was set up for her dad's wedding. The ceremony was two hours away and she was bored out of her mind. Apparently Sally was still harassing the hair dresser, now on the third hairstyle that she probably would again reject. Ashley had been ready for a half hour. Just when she was considering going to get her cell phone she felt a pair of hands cover her eyes, the action reminding her of the previous day. She smiled and turned around to find Craig standing behind her in a very nice tan suit, blue shirt and bluetie. _

_She stood up from the chair, "Hey! What are you doing here already?"_

_As she spoke she took his hand and led him outside of the tent so that hopefully her mother wouldn't find them. _

"_I just wanted to see you…and bring you something," he looked around the tent as they walked out of it, "everything looks good"._

_Ashley sighed, "Yeah, except, after three measurements you'd think they could manage to make the dress so that I'm not falling out of it! I mean, it's my dads wedding!" She gestured to the ample cleavage that was on full display for all to see._

_Craig stared at her chest, trying to hide his smile, "You know I really can't find a problem with that."_

_She poked him in his shoulder, "Shouldn't you be more charming, as my fiancé?" She tried to keep a straight face but couldn't help the smile that formed on her lips._

_He smiled back and leaned down to kiss her._

_After a moment Ashley broke away from the kiss, "Hey, did I hear you say you brought me something?"_

_He smiled bigger, "Oh yeah," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a little brown bag. Turning it over, he dumped the contents out onto his hand. _

_Ashley watched as the light reflected off the ring that fell into Craig's hand, the same ring he had presented to her the night before. _

_She returned his smile but then bit her lip as she glanced around to see if anyone was nearby, "Craig, I can't wear it yet, nobody knows."_

_He nodded, "I know, but I didn't get a chance to put it on you yet! Just for a minute!"_

_He looked so excited, and she did want to put it on since she did say yes to his proposal that morning. "Okay, just real quick."_

_He took her left hand in his and slowly slid the ring on with his right hand. It fit surprisingly well, but was a tiny bit loose. It really was a perfect ring, not too big or showy but not too small and plain._

"_It's perfect," she found herself saying out loud, that seemed to be her word of choice for the last 24 hours._

_Craig's eyes lit up as he beamed at her, she smiled back and they both looked back down at her hand._

That was the first, last, and only time she had worn the ring. At that moment she really was convinced that they could somehow work everything out, but that changed after Craig's outburst at the wedding and his eventual diagnosis with bipolar disorder. She (and especially her mom) had wondered if the proposal was a result of his episodes, but he told her that he had meant it. They both agreed that they did still want to get married someday, but the engagement would have to wait. Ashley thought of how good it felt that the time was here, again.

"Anyway, what do you think we should do about telling people?" Craig asked.

"Maybe we should wait until I'm better and we can all actually go out and celebrate…"

"Okay, that sounds good. Besides, I'm due to find out how much my full inheritance is from my dad soon, maybe that will be enough news for the moment."

He could see her eyes getting heavy and rubbed her back until she fell asleep.

* * *

Craig knocked on the door lightly before opening it and stepping inside, he only got about two and a half steps in before Angie came bounding down the stairs. 

"Craig!" she shouted happily and ran into his arms.

"Ooh, good, Ang, I have a favor to ask you…where's your dad?"

"He's upstairs," she answered, "that was an easy favor!"

Craig laughed, "No, that wasn't it. Do you remember when I gave you that ring to hold onto two years ago?"

Angie only thought for a second, "The one I was supposed to give to Ashley?"

"Yes! That one. What did you do with it?"

"I put it in one of my jewelry boxes," she smiled excitedly again, "do you want me to give it to her now!"

"Actually, I kinda wanted to give it to her myself, but you can give it to me."

Angie clapped her hands, "Does that mean you're going to get married?" she asked a little too loudly.

Craig put a finger to his lips, "Yes, but we're not telling anyone yet, we want to surprise them…"

"Okay, I still get to come to the wedding though, right?"

He smiled and mussed her hair, "Of course you can come."

"Yay! I'll go get the ring!" she said, again too loudly. as she turned around and ran back upstairs, passing Joey on the way.

"What ring?" Joey asked as he finished his descent down the stairs.

Craig shrugged and tried to sound nonchalant, "It's just my moms ring, I had Angie hold it for me for a while."

Joey wasn't satisfied, "Okay, but why do you need it now? Are you going to ask Ashley to marry you again?"

Craig sighed, "We were going to wait to tell everyone…"

Joey raised his eyebrows, "You already asked her? Without a ring!"

Craig was a bit confused about what exactly Joey was reprimanding him about, doing it at all or not doing it right. "It'll be fine, Joey."

Joey shook his hand, "Craig, it's just, you're so spontaneous…you don't think things through all the time. And you just turned 18!"

Craig wasn't phased, "But I've known that I want to be with Ash for years now, this isn't something I just randomly decided. Besides, it's not like time is exactly on our side, I don't think we can worry about things like being too young."

"I understand that, Craig, and I know how you feel about Ashley. Don't get me wrong, I really like her too, but it's just the parent in me wanting to make sure you've considered everything. Are you guys going to move out together? How are you going to support your family?"

Craig furrowed his brows, but remained confident, "We haven't talked about that yet, but I'm supposed to find out how much more money I'm going to get from my dad, I can use that until Ash is well enough for me to get a job."

Joey slapped his forehead, "Oh, wow, with all this marriage talk I completely forgot about the meeting for a minute!"

Craig smirked, "See, now who's slacking? Joey, I appreciate your concern but I know this is really what I want, I'm really happy."

Joey smiled, "Okay, then that's all that matters. I'm happy for you. Congratulations!"

He reached out his hand to Craig, who took it but quickly turned the handshake into a hug.

"Thanks, Joey, for everything," he slapped Joey on the back lightly, "and now that you've burdened yourself with the secret, you have to work on not telling everybody!"

Angie popped up from her spot on the stairs that she had evidently been sitting on for quite some time, "Can I bring you the ring now?"

Craig and Joey laughed, "Yeah, Angie," Craig responded, "bring it over!"

_Ooh you make me live  
Whenever this world is cruel to me, I got you to help me forgive  
Ooh you make me live now honey, Ooh you make me live  
Oh you're the first one, when things turn out bad  
You know I'll never be lonely, you're my only one  
And I love the things, I really love the things that you do  
Oh you're my best friend_


	17. Over My Head

Chapter 17: Over My Head

"**_Over My Head" property of the Fray. The lyrics may be a tad bit more negative than the chapter, but you'll see how it fits._**

_I never knew  
I never knew that everything  
Was falling through  
That everyone I knew  
Was waiting on a queue  
To turn and run  
When all I needed was the truth _

_But that's how it's got to be  
It's coming down to  
Nothing more than apathy  
I'd rather run the other way  
Than stay and see  
The smoke and who's still  
Standing when it clears _

_And everyone knows I'm in  
Over my head  
Over my head  
With eight seconds left in overtime  
She's on your mind  
She's on your mind _

Craig closed the door behind the men who had just exited the house, the oneswho had told him the amount of his full inheritance from his dad. He took a deep breath and sat down on the couch.

Joey walked over and patted him on the back, "Oh, cheer up it's not _that _small of an amount," he joked.

Craig gave him a half smile, "I'm just overwhelmed I guess."

Joey sat down next to him, "Well, it's a lot of money."

"It's so much I don't know what to do with it."

"Well, not blowing it all would be a good start," Joey suggested with a wink.

Craig laughed, "Really, you think so?"

Joey shrugged and threw in sarcastically, "Well, maybe."

"I knew exactly what I would've done with it before…" he trailed off.

"The music thing?" Joey ventured.

Craig nodded, "But now…"

"Well, I don't think you need to completely give it up," Joey seemed to consider something for a moment, "unless you think Ashley's going to spend the entire inheritance on your wedding," he said, nudging Craig playfully.

Craig laughed again, "Nah, I think I'd splurge more than she would."

"Well, in case you haven't noticed I'm trying to get you to stop thinking so hard about it. You shouldn't worry yourself about it yet, go celebrate!"

"Yeah, I guess you're right…"

"Of course I am…" Joey said assuredly, "Now stop sulking on my couch and go be happy."

* * *

Ashley dipped the washcloth into warm water and squeezed the excess out. She lifted Julia's arm and scrubbed it gently. She smiled as the baby gurgled and cooed happily. She stole a quick glance outside to make sure that Kate was still busy gardening. Satisfied, she continued bathing Julia until she heard footsteps behind her. Her eyes widened as she tried to think of a good excuse as to what she was doing up, but her face quickly shifted to confused as she looked out the window again and noticed that Kate was still out there. She whipped her head around to see who had just joined her in the kitchen. 

Craig was stopped at the kitchen doorway and pointing at her with an incredulous look on his face, "Why are you giving Julia a bath?"

Ashley responded sarcastically, "Uh, because she needed a bath."

Craig tiltedhis head to the side, clearly not amused. "Okay, but you're supposed to let me or your mom do that."

Ashley turned back around and continued bathing Julia, "I feel fine. And I'm not going to just lie around and not take care of my daughter."

Craig sighed and walked further into the kitchen, near the sink where Ashley was situated with Julia's bathtub. "You trying to get better is helping take care of her."

Ashley continued to ignore him with her back turned so he changed the subject, "Okay, that's just not fair she was never that good for me…I always ended up more wet than she was."

Despite herself, Ashley laughed. She got a good scoop of water in her hand that was in the tub and sent it flying towards Craig, splashing him on his shirt, "You mean like that?"

He stood with his mouth open, "I can't believe you just did that!"

She stuck her tongue out at him, "Oh, its only water it won't kill you."

Craig made a quick grab for the spray hose that attaches to the sink and pointed it at Ashley.

"You wouldn't!"

He arched an eyebrow, staring her down for a minute, "Yeah, you're right, I won't…but, for my kindness I think you should wrap it up and go back to your room."

"Okay, Dad," she quipped, rolling her eyes, "Fine."

He stroked her hair, "Believe me I'm not trying to make you mad at me on purpose, but, it's for the best. Soon you'll be able to do everything and probably wish you still had an excuse not to."

She leaned her head on his shoulder as he brushed a few damp curls off of Julia's forehead, "Whatever."

Ashley was finishing Julia's feet when Craig spoke again, "So, I found out how much my dad left me…"

"Oh?"

"Yeah, half a million dollars."

"What?" Ashley dropped the washcloth into the tub, causing some water to splash onto Julia's face which prompted her to immediately begin crying.

"Shoot!" She toweled off Julia's face and picked her up, attempting to soothe her. "I'm sorry! Shh, it's okay it's only water."

Craig smirked, "Yeah, that worked on me, I don't think it's going to work on her."

She elbowed him, and they both turned when they heard the backdoor opening.

"Crap!" Ashley whispered, "Here, take her…pretend like you were giving her the bath."

Craig furrowed his eyebrows, "What? Why?"

"Mom's going to give me a huge lecture if she finds out I was up," Craig was still unconvinced, "Oh, come on you're already wet!"

He was beginning to relent but it was too late, Kate walked into the room.

"Ashley, what are you doing out of bed? And why is there water all over my floor?"

"I'm fine, it's fine. Everything's fine, mom," Ashley responded, annoyed that her prediction was right.

She pulled Julia's little robe on, fixing the hood when it fell off of her head. Julia chewed on the sleeve of her robe and looked around innocently, unaware of the tension in the room.

Kate opened her mouth to speak again but Ashley beat her to it, "Yeah, I know…I'm going," she muttered as she walked off to her room past Craig who was crouched on the floor attempting to dry the water with a towel.

Ashley had just finished putting Julia in her pajamas when Craig walked into the room.

"Before you start another lecture, I'm getting in bed now. I couldn't really just leave her naked," she said without looking at him.

"Ash, we're not trying to gang up on you…"

Ashley sighed, picking Julia up from her changing table, grabbing a teething ring on the way, and going over to the bed.

She sighed, "I know, it's just frustrating."

Julia tried to grab Ashley's hand, clearly intent on putting itin her mouth, but Ashley moved her hand out of Julia's grasp. The baby pumped her arms in irritation and let out a little grunt, then turned to try to put Ashley's shirt in her mouth instead.

"Speaking of frustration," Craig said, looking on amused as Ashley offered Julia the teething ring, which she quickly accepted.

"Yeah, teething equals no fun," she paused for a moment, and seemed to remember something, "so, wait a minute, did I hear you right about that insane amount of money?"

Craig grinned, "Yep!"

Ashley arched an eyebrow, "As in, 500,000 dollars?"

Craig looked like he was thinking for a second, "Actually, it's more like $530,000, but yeah pretty much."

Ashley put a hand to her chest, "Oh my God."

He looked at her cautiously, "Are you okay? What are you thinking?"

"It's…overwhelming,"

"That's what I said!"

She laughed, but still looked fairly stunned, "What do you even do with that much money?"

Craig shrugged and smirked, "Get married in a cool, exotic place like…Tahiti?"

She smiled, but quickly turned serious again, "We shouldn't do that, you should save it."

"I can still save most of it, I think…how much does it cost to go to Tahiti?"

"We're not going to Tahiti!" she said through a chuckle.

"Okay, where do you want to go?"

"Craig," Ashley looked at him sternly.

"What?" he said innocently.

"What about your music?" she prodded, looking down.

He looked slightly confused, "What about it?"

"That's a lot of money, you could put it to good use to help your career."

"I could put it to good use for us." he countered.

"I know, and that's really sweet of you but I'm sure you had other plans for this money before, I don't think you should change them because you feel obligated to."

"That's not why…Ash, what are you even saying here?" he asked, looking at her nervously.

"I know that you love me and Julia but I don't want you to pass up an opportunity for your dream and then regret it later."

"That's not what's going to happen, the opportunity will still be there later, as long as you don't let me buy another guitar that is half of my inheritance," he said playfully, trying to get her to laugh again.

It didn't work, "You know what happens when people say 'I'll get to it later', they never do."

Craig's face fell and he looked like he was trying to think of something else to get Ashley to change her mind, after a second he came up with it, "Oh, hey, look what I didn't save for later."

He pulled the ring out of his pocket and brought it over to the bed, sitting down in front of Ashley.

"You think changing the subject is going to work?"

Craig sighed, "Why can't you be just a little happy about this? Now I know how Joey felt."

"What are you talking about?"

"Alright, I admit I kind of was the same way you are now when I first found out about the money. I was overwhelmed and a little unsure, but that's changed now."

"See, you don't change your mind in a few hours, or maybe _you _do, but you're not supposed to. Look, I know that I'm always the serious one who's no fun or whatever, but I'm just trying to look out for us. And I really think its best that maybe we hold off on this engagement thing."

Craig jerked back slightly as if she had thrown the ring at him, "What? Are you…breaking up with me?"

Ashley sighed, "No! No, I just don't think we should decide to get married until you're settled with your future plans for your music."

"You're fighting against us again…" he was becoming slightly frantic.

"I'm not." Ashley countered calmly.

"Then why are you making up excuses again, whatever happened to 'the little things don't bother you anymore'…"

She interjected, "Deciding whether or not you really want to get married and be with someone for life is _not_ a little thing! Can you honestly tell me that if you didn't try the music thing and never had another opportunity, that you'd have no regrets?"

Craig was silent and turned away from her gaze slightly.

"Then you need to figure that out before you give me that ring again."

He started at the ring for a second, then at Ashley. Shaking his head, he got up and walked out of the room. Ashley sighed and picked up a sleeping Julia, bringing her over to her crib. She returned to the bed and lay down, attempting to sleep but naturally unable to.

She was still lying awake in the dark when the door opened again. She heard footsteps across the room and finally felt the bed shift next to her. She heard him sigh then felt his hand on hers.

"Why is this always so hard with us?" he said in a rough voice, she could tell he was either fighting tears or recovering from them.

"Because anything worth having is hard to find…or get, or keep," she gestured to the crib that held their sleeping baby, "there's proof of that right there. Why do you think labor is the most pain women go through, because what you get after is worth it."

"How'd you get to be so smart?"

"It's a gift," she giggled.

"You're a gift. I love you, and that's not one of the things I decided on a whim."

She squeezed his hand, "I know, I love you too," she paused for a moment before adding, "we'll be okay."

"Yeah."

Both fell silent but neither fell asleep yet, wondering but not knowing what the future held for them.

_Let's rearrange  
I wish you were a stranger  
I could disengage  
Just Say that we agree  
And then never change  
Soften a bit  
Until we all just get along _

_But that's disregard  
You find another friend  
And you discard  
As you lose the argument  
In a cable car  
Hanging above  
As the canyon comes between _

_And everyone knows I'm in  
Over my head  
Over my head  
With eight seconds left in overtime  
She's on your mind  
She's on your mind _

_And suddenly  
I become a part of your past  
I'm becoming the part  
That don't last  
I'm losing you  
And its effortless_

_Without a sound  
We lose sight of the ground  
In the throw around  
Never thought that you wanted  
To bring it down  
I won't let it go down  
'Till we torch it ourselves _


	18. I Could Not Ask For More

Chapter 18: I Could Not Ask For More

**A/N So Sorry for the wait! The month of October is rather busy and hectic for me with school, my brother's wedding, and my 21st birthday! So, I'll try to update as much as possible but I'm not sure how often! Luckily, this is a long chapter so I hope you that makes up for it!**  
_  
These are the moments, I know heaven must exist,  
These are the moments, I know all I need is this,  
I have all I've waited for,  
And I could not ask for more._

It was weeks later and Craig still didn't completely understand what she wanted from him, or what he was supposed to do. He wondered if maybe it would help to be in another environment.

He walked into Joey's (not so much his anymore) garage and plopped down on the couch. He had quite a task: to weigh his options, does he go with music or family? It didn't seem like a difficult decision until Ashley mentioned it. He picked up his guitar, realizing that he hadn't played it in a few months, ever since Ashley went to the hospital for the transplant. There was just too much to worry about it hadn't even occurred to him to play. Thinking about it now, he really did miss playing.

He strummed his guitar as thoughts of the past crept into his mind. He'd given up an opportunity once before for her, and he still didn't regret that, why should this time be any different? But then he figured he'd get another chance, and he did. He had had such a great time in Vancouver, writing songs and recording some of them. He was so caught up in the terrible news from Ash and all of a sudden being a father that he didn't think twice about calling up the people he was working with to tell them that he had an emergency and couldn't return as planned. They had let him know that they couldn't make any guarantees that the offer would still be good later, but he was willing to take that chance, he didn't really have a choice, or so he thought.

That was his second chance, how many times would he be given another? Did it even matter anymore? Is it worth the risk to try again and possibly lose his family? He began to think about how great it was to have Julia in his life. Remembering how out of the loop he felt when he'd only been separated from her for a few days, he couldn't imagine any significant amount of time longer than that. He shuddered at the thought of not being around for every possible moment of her growing up.

Craig rubbed his face in frustration. He just had to decide if it was okay with him if he never got another chance at the music thing again. In a perfect world, he could have both. But he's seen enough tragedy in his time to know that they certainly did not live in a perfect world.

And so, he had to make a decision. But he seemed to be going in circles at the moment. He needed to go somewhere that he could clear his head

* * *

Ashley was helping clear the table after breakfast when her cell phone rang, she looked at the caller ID to see that it was Craig, who had mysteriously been gone already when she woke up in the morning. She tried not to be worried and take that as a bad sign. 

On the third ring, she pressed send to pick up the call, "Hello?"

"Hey, would your mom be able to drive you and Julia to meet me somewhere?"

"Um, I guess," she said confused, "I'll have to ask her. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Just have her bring you guys to the cemetery."

"Okay," she paused. Did he just say cemetery? Now she was really confused, "Wait, what?"

Craig laughed slightly, "It's not as weird as it sounds, I promise."

"Okay." she said hesitantly and they ended the call. Now she had to go explain to Kate why she wanted to go to the cemetery.

He was waiting for them in the parking lot when they arrived. Kate stayed in the car to wait while Craig led Ashley, holding Julia, in. They hadn't walked too far when he stopped at a gravestone, engraved with the name "Julia Jeremiah". Ashley glanced at him but he was focused on the grave, she took his hand, although still completely lost as to what was going on.

After a moment he spoke, "So it occurred to me that you and little Julia have never met my mom…or you know what I mean. I came here to think about stuff and I came up with this: ever since my mom had left, and even more when she died, all I really wanted was a family. Joey and Angie let me be a part or theirs, but I realized that now I have my own family with you and Julia, and I'm not going to give that up or mess it up if I can help it. So that's my decision."

"Okay," Ashley said giving him a smile.

As they were walking back to the car Craig asked, "So how are you feeling?"

She shrugged, "Fine."

"Fine enough to go out later?"

She looked at him suspiciously, "Out? Well, if the guard will permit it," she said nodding to the car where Kate was standing, "then yeah. Why?"

He remained coy, "Well I'm not gonna tell you that. I'll take care of your mom. You can rest while I do that and the other preparations."

"Preparations? It involves preparations?"

"Uh uh, no hints, don't even try to fish for them."

"Ugh, what is with you and surprises?" She complained, and he could see that her mind started to work overtime trying to figure out what he had planned.

* * *

Craig was busy with the preparations as he said he would be when he heard Ashley call him from upstairs. 

He ran up to the room where she was. "What? Are you okay?"

"Look, you have to see this."

She set Julia down on the floor, stomach down. Julia just lay there for a minute.

Craig raised an eyebrow, "Uh, Ash what are you doing? Aren't you supposed to be resting?"

"Shh, just wait,"

He fell silent and watched obediently as Ashley situated herself on the floor in a similar position to Julia, directly in front of the infant but far enough away so that she was out of reach.

She calls to Julia, "Julia…come here. Come to mommy."

Upon hearing her name Julia lifts her head to look up and find Ashley. She smiles as Ashley continues to talk, trying to coax her with a rattle. Craig still looked on wondering what he was waiting for, when Julia finally began moving. Really slowly at first, just barely moving a little hand forward and the other soon following. Ashley continued to encourage her as she kept moving. Craig nearly jumped in excitement, realizing what was going on.

"She started crawling and I missed it!" he whined, joining Ashley on the floor to greetJulia as she moved faster toward her parents. When she finally reached the spot that they were inCraig picked her up, bouncing her excitedly.

"Actually, that's the first time she officially did it, she was sorta starting to right before I called you, so I kinda cheated and made her wait, is that wrong?."

He laughed, "Since it helped me not miss it, nope, it's not wrong. Well, what a great day this is turning out to be."

She narrowed her eyes at him then glanced at Julia who was chewing on his shirt and consequently leaving a huge drool spot there.

Ashley laughed, "Yeah well wherever you're planning on going you can't wear that shirt!"

"Okay, seriously when does the teething and drooling all over the place thing end?"

"I don't know, when she gets more teeth? Then there's always the possibility of biting, which can't be good…"

"Well, she can drool on you for a little bit," he said handing her over, "while I go finish up and convince you're mom to let you out of your cell."

* * *

Kate conceded for Ashley to go out, and for them to use her car, which was surprising to Ashley, she wondered just what Craig told her and what he had up his sleeve. Even after a few more attempts at fishing for a hint, he still wouldn't tell her anything about where they were going, instead changing the subject. 

"You know I think the first thing I'm going to buy is a car, I really need a car. This is kind of lame to be borrowing your moms."

"And driving it where exactly?" She prodded.

"Ha! Nice try. Nope, you get nothing."

"Don't you get tired of surprising me all the time? Come on, let me in on the secret this time."

"Why would I get tired of you squirming around dying to know?"

Ashley was too distracted by asking where they were going to go that she hadn't noticed Craig turn into a parking lot until he slowed the car to pull into a spot and come to a stop. She looked around and saw…their old high school.

"Why are we at Degrassi? Are you trying to give me bad high school flashbacks?"

"No, plus we're not going there," he said as he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car, coming around the other side to open her door.

Craig ignored her puzzled look as he took a cooler her brought from the car and grabbed her hand, leading her away from the school and towards the woods.

"Well at least you're not covering my eyes, that could be dangerous this time," she joked as she obediently followed.

Not much later Craig came to a stop and moved out from in front of Ashley, revealing a little picnic that he made in the clearing, complete with a blanket on the ground and candles. She smiled as he set the cooler onto the blanket and began lighting the candles.

"For the record, I don't think you're supposed to have lit candles in a forest area," at Craig's look she continued, "I didn't say we shouldn't just that it's technically not allowed! Did I just kill the nice romantic thing you had going?"

"Yeah, a little bit," he paused, "I'm just waiting for you to realize why I brought you here."

She glanced around some more, "Isn't this the spot we met to practice for Kwan's Taming of the Shrew thing?"

"Yep,"

"So why did you bring us here?"

"That, I will tell you after we eat." Craig teased.

"Ugh, you suck!" She lamented.

"Thanks. I love you too."

"Yeah, well you should be so lucky I still love you after all these guessing games," she said playfully, "so what are we having?"

He opened the cooler, "Sandwiches. Uh, yeah, sorry that's the best I could do."

Ashley laughed, "Sandwiches are fine."

They began eating their food, Craig slightly amused as Ashley appeared to be eating faster than usual. He assumed it was because she wanted to find out the rest of the surprise.

"You know, if you don't stop inhaling that I'm not going to give you the dessert I brought," he teased.

"Ooh! Dessert! What is it?" she said, discarding her sandwich.

"You are impossible! Okay, fine," he said bringing out a small container from the cooler.

He opened it to reveal fruit, but not just any kind of fruit.

"Chocolate covered strawberries!" she nearly squealed, "Are you trying to seduce me?"

"No. I told you I'd wait til you were ready." he assured, seriously.

She picked up a strawberry and crawled over to sit closer to him, holding the strawberry in front of his mouth and allowing him to take a bite she whispered in his ear, "Well, what if I'm ready now?"

Craig closed his eyes and blew out a breath, pausing for a moment before speaking, "Damn, I can't believe I'm going to say this but I really don't think that's a good idea. If lighting candles in the woods is illegal, I'm pretty sure that would be too. Plus, I still have something I need to say."

"You want to talk instead? Unbelievable!" she pouted and popped the rest of the strawberry into her mouth, then reconsidering, "Oh yeah, you were supposed to tell me why we're here."

"Yeah. Okay, so why I brought you here. Basically, cause when we met here in the woods is the moment I first thought that I could marry you someday. Even though you were with Jimmy, who no offense but at the time I thought was an idiot, to my advantage."

Ashley laughed, "None taken. I'd have to agree with you there. And that is so sweet, I can't believe you thought that back then! After you said what you did to me, I reconsidered things too. I did wonder if you were the one I was supposed to be with. Of course, I know that for sure now."

Craig took her left hand in his right, "You said before that music was my dream and I couldn't give it up so easy, and that's true but I can't remember a time since I've known you where my dreams haven't involved you."

Ashley sniffled as she wiped a tear, feeling kind of cheesy and stereotypically girly, "Okay, did you take a special class like Sweet Talk 101 or something?"

He laughed, "Hey, I'm a songwriter, it's in my blood."

"Okay, well, go on," she encouraged, giggling, "unless of course you were finished."

"Nope, just one more thing," he said as he reached into his pocket, pulling out the familiar ring once again, "I'm asking again, will you marry me?"

Ashley beamed, "You know I never took back my answer, either time."

"Remind me again what that was."

"Yes!" she laughed as he slipped the ring on her finger.

They both grinned excitedly and kissed, chocolate strawberries forgotten for the time being

* * *

When they arrived home all of the lights were off and Ashley peeked into Kate and Jeff's room to see that they had Julia sleeping in her bassinet in there. 

She closed the door carefully and whispered, "Well, if that isn't just the most convenient thing…"

Craig blinked, "Wow, you're really serious about this."

She laughed as she practically dragged him to her room, closing the door and locking it behind them, "Have you noticed how long it's been?"

"Uh, yeah!" he retorted as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Soo…" Ashley prompted, beginning to remove Craig's coat.

"You're really sure, Ash?" he asked concerned but allowing her to take off his coat.

Ashley laughed, off of Craig's confused look she elaborated, "Whoa, first time flashback."

He joined in the laughter, "Well, just don't throw my pants on the lamp this time, you might break something."

"Hey! That was an accident!"

"Mmm hmm."

"Whatever. But yes, I feel fine. I feel great, and I'd feel a lot greater if you'd come over here and start kissing me already!" she practically demanded.

"Well, you don't have to tell me twice," he said as he closed the gap between them.

Not seconds later clothes were flying, thankfully not landing on any furniture, and hands were groping. Both of them anxious to feeleach other again in what seemed like forever.

Ashley had enough presence of mind to whisper, "We have to remember that there's other people in the house."

Craig was busy trying to get the last of her clothes off, "Yeah, I can't make any guarantees but I'll give it a shot."

She laughed as they tumbled onto the bed. The laugh was cut short, turning into a moan as Craig touched and kissed her in all the right places. There was a feeling of completeness when they finally connected as one. And it was better and more magical then either of them had ever remembered. In a word, it was perfect.

_Looking in your eyes,  
Seeing all I need,  
Everything you are, Is everything to me,__  
_

_I could not ask for more than this time together,  
I could not ask for more than this time with you,  
Every prayer has been answered,  
Every dream I have's come true,  
Yeah right here in this moment, Is right where I'm meant to be,  
Here with you, Here with me. . ._

_These are the moments, I thank God that I'm alive,  
These are the moments, I'll remember all my life,  
I've got all I've waited for,  
And I could not ask for more_


	19. Trust Me

Chapter 19: Trust Me

**Sorry this chapter is mostly filler so nothing too exciting going on, compared to the last chapter anyway! Also no lyrics, again cause it's not too eventful of a chapter…but the song title "Trust Me" comes from The Fray. Hopefully you guys like anyway though ;-).**

Ashley awoke at 6:30 am, the time she would normally hear crying or some other noise coming from her baby, to silence. Instead the only noise she could hear was Craig's heavy breathing next to her ear. She decided that she should go get Julia from her mom's room before Kate came into her own room, or at least try but fail because of the locked door. She tried to move out from underneath Craig's arm that was draped over her waist, trapping her under the sheet, thus rendering her unable to move without waking him. She kept inching but realized she was unsuccessful when she heard him groan slightly. He stretched his arms and she took to the opportunity to start getting up. She didn't get far when he reached out and pulled her back again.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" he asked, kissing her on the shoulder.

"I have to get dressed and go get Julia before my mom gets nosy and tries to come in here."

"Oh, come on she's probably not even up yet."

Ashley turned to face him, "She will be when Julia wakes up, which as you know is usually around now."

Craig pulled her closer, "Oh, just a few more minutes."

"Okay, but she will pick the lock," she warned playfully, "I don't think any of us are ready for the trauma of her seeing you naked in my bed."

"It's not like she doesn't know we've had sex before. With the hotel room incident and the _baby_, I think she's figured it out by now," he retorted sarcastically.

"Very funny. Still, she just might murder you and I don't want to be a widow," as soon as the words escaped her mouth she realized her mistake, she'd hoped he was still groggy enough to not notice.

No such luck, "You slipped!" he teased.

"Oh, shut up. Keep it up and I won't marry you," she retortedstarting to get up again.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her back, "Yeah, right."

Before she could say anything else he kissed her. Ashley almost let herself get lost in the kiss when she remembered what she'd been trying to do for the past five minutes. She broke away and started once more to get up.

"Okay, I'm really going now," she finally stepped out of the bed and started to get dressed with her back to him, "And stop pouting."

Craig quickly changed his mouth out of the frown he had formed before she turned to look at him so he could pretend she was wrong.

"Oh please, like I don't know you just stopped before I turned around," she gavehim a smile before opening the door and stepping into the hallway.

She tiptoed from her room over to Kate's and tried to quietly open the door.

"Looking for me?" a voice said behind Ashley, making her jump a little.

She turned to face Kate, who was feeding Julia a bottle.

"Oh, you scared me. Sorry, I was coming to get her, I would've done it last night but I didn't want to wake you guys," she lied.

Kate gave her a knowing look, "Ashley, I'm your mother, but I'm not stupid."

Ashley turned away, embarrassed and flushing slightly.

Kate glanced at her daughter's hand, "So, congratulations are due then?"

Ashley looked up surprised, furrowing her eyebrows, "You knew?"

"Well, he couldn't exactly ask my permission without telling me."

Ashley smiled, sounding surprised yethappy, "Aw, he asked your permission?"

"Are you more surprised he asked or I gave it?"

"Well, you have to admit you weren't exactly our biggest fan."

"Well, under different circumstances I'd worry about your being too young, but I am happy for you."

"Thanks, mom."

Kate pulled her daughter into a quick embrace and handed Julia to her.

"I'm going to go start breakfast, go ahead and finish feeding her."

"Okay, we'll be down in a bit."

As Ashley watched her mother descend the stairs she couldn't think of a time that she'd been happier than she was at this moment with her baby in her arms, her fiancé down the hall, and her mother being supportive and approving of it all. Life was definitely changing for the better.

* * *

Ellie sat at a booth in The Dot, drumming her fingers on the table looking very impatient. She looked up at the sound of the bell on the door jingling to see Ashley and Craig—finally—walking in. 

They made their way over to her table and Ashley smiled apologetically, "Sorry, had a bit of a baby crisis."

"It's okay," Ellie said, smiling at the aforementioned baby that she was grateful appeared to be perfectly happy at this moment, "So, what's the deal?"

Ashley and Craig looked at each other.

"Well," Ashley started then thought better and simply lifted up her left hand for Ellie to see the ring.

Ellie gasped, looking surprised for a second before breaking out into a huge grin, "Oh my God! Is that what I think it is?"

"Well, I hope so otherwise there's a huge misunderstanding," Craig joked.

The girls rolled their eyes, ignoring him.

Ashley continued, "So you've been such a good friend and so importantto us both, we were wondering if you want to be my maid of honor?"

"Okay, do you really think you even have to ask?! Of course! Congratulations! Do you have a date yet?" Ellie squealed practically in one breath.

"Ellie, breathe," Craig interjected.

They all laughed, "Well, we were thinking somewhere along the lines of March." Ashley provided.

"Wow, that's pretty soon! Guess we better get to planning. We have to get you a dress Ash and are you having more people in the wedding too? Oh, and…"

"Whoa, El, one thing at a time!" Ashleyinterjected.

"Oh, you think I'm bad? Wait until you tell Paige!"

Craig made a face, he turned to Ashley, "Can we just go to Vegas?"

* * *

Ashley had just finished with one of her bimonthly check-ups which went fairly well. She was steadily getting better but still not completely in the clear. They were now in the Pediatrics ward for Julia's check-up. Dr. Taylor was not Julia's normal pediatrition, but she was the only doctor available on that particular day.

"Has anyone discussed with you the possibility of Julia having…problems?"

Ashley squeezed Craig's hand, "Well, they kept her in the hospital for a few days after she was born to observe her for any problems, but they said she was fine."

"Oh, she is, but I just want to be cautious. I don't want to scare you…"

"Well, than you really shouldn't have said anything cause I'm officially terrified."

"I have every reason to believe there's nothing to worry about, but considering your condition when you were pregnant, we can't be too careful. It seems her immune system is not quite as strong as it should be. Again, there's no cause for great concern but it's something to look out for."

Ashley looked at Julia's innocent face as she sucked on her thumb. Craig noticed this as well.

He tried to lighten the mood, "Aw, we're going to have to put a stop to that. Angie sucked her thumb until she was five, it was ridiculous."

Ashley was not amused, "She can suck her thumb if she wants to…"

"Okay, I'm sorry, I was kinda joking," he said apologetically, rubbing her back.

Dr. Taylor interjected, "Okay, well I'll let you guys go unless you have any further questions for me."

Ashley shook her head slightly, not particularly paying attention to what the doctor said.

Craig watched Ashley nervously, "I think we're okay, thank you."

"So you're next appointment is in two weeks, is that correct, Ashley?"

"Yeah," she answered flatly.

"Okay, well I'd like to go ahead and schedule a follow up for Julia too."

"Fine."

Dr. Taylor smiled sympathetically, "So we'll see you in November and if there's any concerns that you have, especially if she gets sick, feel free to come in. But please, don't worry yourself over it, it's just a precaution."

Craig thanked the doctor again as Ashley quickly exited the room, not saying a word as she passed Kate, who looked at Craig questioningly. He waved her off as if to say 'I'll tell you later.'

He was reminded of the last time she ran out of the hospital when he found her sitting on a bench, this time holding Julia. He sat down next to her.

"She's everything to me. I can take anything that happens to me, whatever, but Julia…she's just a baby, she's our baby."

"I know, but Ash the doctor said it's most likely nothing to worry about…"

"How can you just brush this off?"

"Because I have to. I have to believe that everything will be okay with you and with her because I can't think of the alternative. But you have to help me out, if you let yourself worry about this too much you're not going to get better."

"I know. You're right, I'm sorry, I'll try my best. That doctor just freaked me out."

"Yeah for a doctor, she's not very smart, or at least she sucks at the bedside manner thing. It's gonna be okay."

Ashley nodded, "Yeah, we've got other things to focus on, like planning that wedding."

"Right. Uh, starting with the invitation list…so Paige is a 'no' right?"

Ashley giggled, elbowing him playfully, "Sorry, can't let you have that veto. Maybe we can just tell her the day before so she doesn't have a chance to nag us?"

"Sounds like a plan. I guess the next thing we should do is go get me a best man."

Ashley smiled, "Oh yeah, think he'll be surprised?"

"I don't know, we'll find out."


	20. Preparations

Chapter 20: Preparations

**A/N: My deepest apologies for taking so long to update! But I'm on winter break now and there's only a few chapters left so I should get them out fairly quickly!! For this chapter I went without a song or song title because it's kind of an in between chapter. We'll see about the next few, but the wedding chapter will definitely have a song ;-). And now it's time to find out who Craig's best man is going to be…**

Craig and Ashley stood outside waiting for someone to come to the door.

"Think he'll be surprised?" Ashley asked.

"I don't know, maybe." Craig responded, knocking once more.

"Seriously, what did you do with your key?" She sighed as she adjusted Julia who was sleeping soundly in her arms.

Before Craig could respond, the door opened.

Joey looked slightly surprised to see them, "Oh, hey guys I wasn't expecting a visit…"

"That's cause we didn't tell you!" Craig laughed as Joey opened the door further so they could walk in.

"So, to what do I owe the honor? Let me guess, an announcement?" he inquired, grinning knowingly.

Craig bobbed his head in acknowledgement, "Yep, that and a question. Is Caitlin home?"

"Nope, she's at work."

"Well, we were hoping to make the announcement to both of you, but I guess we'll just have to tell Caitlin later. So as you seemed to have guessed the big announcement is that we're getting married…"

Joey grinned, "I thought so after that conversation we had. Congrats!"

Ashley looked confused about the conversation Joey was referring to but shook it off and returned the hug Joey offered her.

"So the question," Craig continued, "is 'Will you be my best man?'"

Joey looked somewhat shocked but very pleased, "Oh, Craig, of course. I'd be honored."

Joey handed out more hugs as Angie came bounding down the stairs.

Craig grinned at his little sister, "Hey, Ang, how do you feel about being in a wedding?"

Angie squealed, "Yay! You gave her the ring!"

Craig, Ashley, and Joey laughed, "Yep, I gave her the ring."

Ashley held out her left hand for Angie to see the ring on her finger, "See."

"Aw, it looks good there." Angie proclaimed with a firm nod.

"Thank you," Ashley kneeled down to Angie's level, "so you have a real important job for the wedding, ready to hear about it?"

Angie nodded vigorously as Ashley began to tell her what her job in the wedding was going to be. Craig and Joey looked on in amusement at Angie's inability to contain her excitement over the situation.

* * *

Ashley sighed as she got up for the fourth time to scoop up her newly crawling and as a direct result, hyper, infant who had covered the entire living room and was insistent upon venturing into other rooms. Julia began to squirm in her mother's arms just as Craig walked in through the front door. He walked over to Ashley and his clearly frustrated daughter, who Ashley gave up on and set her back on the ground. The minute Julia was on the ground again she renewed her trek around the living room, forgetting she had already explored it.

"I don't know how there can be anything wrong with her, cause I can't keep up with her!" Ashley observed as the two watched Julia.

Craig chuckled, "She's got a lot of energy!"

"Yeah, and now you can use yours to go chase her around. But first, how did the search go?"

He smiled, "Okay. Found some options. Are you coming next time?"

"Depends on when. Me, Ellie, and Paige are going dress shopping tomorrow."

"Ah, also very important." Craig said with a mock serious tone.

"Yep." Ashley giggled.

"Well, I suppose I can work around the dress shopping schedule so you can come to help choose where we're going to be living together."

He emphasized the last word and pulled her close. Ashley smiled, savoring the moment before Craig inevitably had to break away to chase their baby before she succeeded in escaping the living room.

* * *

"Oh my God, this one is perfect for you hun!"

Ashley and Ellie shared a look, "Paige, that's not even a wedding dress."

"Oh, duh, not for the wedding. But you should buy this one anyway cause it'd just look awesome on you."

The other two girls glanced to each other again, this time rolling their eyes, Ashley had to hold back laughing, "Okay, I'll think about it Paige."

"So, back to the _wedding_ dresses..." Ellie pointed out, earning a glare from Paige.

"What color are we going with again? Are you sticking with the no white because you're not a virgin rule or…"

"Paige!" Ellie cut in.

"What? It's going to be kind of obvious to everybody since the kid is bound to be there. But, personally I think it's a stupid rule, so Ash, white or no white?"

Ashley took a moment to answer, flustered from Paige's little speech, "Umm…I guess whatever color the dress I find that I like the most is, that's what I'll go with."

Paige nodded in approval, "Okay, good, that works."

Ellie simply rolled her eyes again, "Well, let's keep looking."

Remarkably, Paige remained relatively quiet for the next hour as the girls scoured the racks of the dress store.

Ashley was currently in the dressing room with a stack of dresses.

"Okay, how about this one?" she asked stepping out of the dressing room wearing an off white strapless dress with a lot of beading.

"Hmm…well by your wrinkled nose I can see you don't like it." Ellie observed.

"I don't think beading is me. Not this much anyway."

"Are you kidding? That's not even a lot…" Paige sounded indignant.

Ashley turned to go back into the dressing room, beginning to unzip the dress, "Well than you wear it to your wedding."

"Then hand it to me, I'll try it on!"

Ellie swatted Paige's outstretched hand, "You don't even have a wedding in the near future!"

"Well, it wouldn't hurt to be prepared."

"So make a mental note."

The girls were too busy going back and forth to notice Ashley reemerge in another dress. This one had an off white lace colored criss-cross type top that ended just below her chest, from there it was a cream colored silk that flowed down smoothly to her feet.

Both Ellie and Paige had identical open-mouthed looks on their faces.

"Umm…so hows this one?" Ashley asked cautiously.

"Perfect!" the girls shouted in unison.

"You guys think so?" she said hopefully.

"Yes, Ash, you look gorgeous!" Ellie gushed.

"Stunning," Paige nodded in approval.

Ashley took a deep breath and turned to face the full length mirror, "Okay, so I guess this is it then."

**Oh, and one more thing: I cut off what Angie's job is on purpose, that will be revealed in the actual wedding chapter ;-).**


	21. Good Vibrations

Chapter 21: Good Vibrations

**A/N I think it's pretty obvious to everyone who the song used as the title of this chapter is by…but just in case it's the Beach Boys.**

Weeks later they were still on the apartment hunt. Craig and Ashley were just on their way out the door when Julia began one of her attempts to lift herself up using a piece of furniture. She was using the table, her little hands resting flat on the surface, but her bottom still placed firmly on the floor.

"Oh, we can't leave yet!" Ashley determined.

Craig sighed, "Come on, Ash, she's done that like 15 times in the last few days and she hasn't been able to get it yet…"

"Exactly why it might be now. You don't want to miss it do you?" she slightly pouted.

"Of course not but we kinda have somewhere we need to be."

"Just a few minutes!" Ashley pleaded, simultaneously running to get the video camera just in case.

"Alright," Craig sighed, flopping down on the couch.

Just like before, Julia rose a tiny bit off the floor a few times before sitting right back down. Ashley groaned in defeat, dropping the arm that had the camera aimed at the baby, and Craig started to get up when Julia tried once more. Ashley quickly lifted the camera back up in time to catch Julia slowly but surely lifting herself off the floor, further than she had gone before. With a sudden burst of confidence she was up off the floor and on her wobbly little legs, using the table for balance.

"Oh my God she did it!"

They both ran over to hug Julia after she sat back down, having tired herself out from all of her attempts.

Craig stroked Julia's hair, "Wow, Ash, good thing you insisted we stayed for a little bit."

Ashley laughed, "When are you gonna learn that I'm always right?"

Craig laughed too, "Silly me, isn't that the general rule with all women?"

"Nope, just me." She replied, sticking out her tongue.

"Okay, well, I'm sure you'll have plenty more opportunities to prove me wrong tonight. We really better get going now."

Ashley agreed and they said their goodbyes to Julia, pretending she could understand their attempts to negotiate that she didn't try to stand again until they got home.

* * *

"Okay, this sucks, there's nothing!" Ashley exclaimed in frustration.

"The last two weren't that bad" Craig tried.

"The last one was way too small for how much they wanted for it, and the one before was just plain bad," off Craig's look she continued, "sorry to be so picky but this is gonna be our home, at least for a little bit."

Craig smiled, "I know." Placing a kiss on her forehead he added, "You know money's not an issue right?"

"It is when you'd be wasting it on something that's soo not worth it."

Craig chuckled, "Okay, so what do you want to do?"

"I guess we could try a little bit longer."

"You feeling okay?"

Ashley rolled her eyes, a smile on her face, "Yes, I'm fine."

She grabbed his hand and tugged him along.

Almost an hour later they were on the verge of giving up when they found a perfect option. Two bedrooms, decently spacious kitchen, and a small den area in the back across from the master bedroom. It wasn't too modern either, new but homey looking.

"Oh my God, Craig, this is it!" Ashley squealed.

Craig laughed, amused at her overly excited reaction, "Yeah?"

She nodded vigorously, "Do you like it?"

"Of course, I'd like a box if it meant I got to live with you."

Ashley smiled, but pushed on, "I'm serious, we both have to agree on this…"

"I do like it" Craig reiterated, letting her know he was completely serious.

Ashley let go of his hand and walked through the apartment, "It's perfect, we can turn that back room into a music room, put your guitar and my keyboard in there…"

"One of these days when we have a real house I'll get you a piano." he said sweetly.

"That sounds great."

"So, we're agreed?" Craig asked, giving her one last chance to reconsider.

"Yes, definitely."

They let the manager know that the place is the one they wanted, and after spending about twenty minutes waiting for him to draw up the papers and signing them, they went on their way back home to see if Julia was up to anymore standing presentations

* * *

Ashley and Julia's follow up appointments came up fast. Julia went first, and as it turned out, that last issue was a false alarm. After learning that she was developing quite normally and already standing, and checking her out, the doctor concluded that she was fine and there was absolutely nothing to worry about. Ashley and Craig both could breathed sighs of relief for the time being, until they walked into the room where Ashley's check up was to be done, and held their breath once more.

The doctor performed her various tests and wrote a few notes down.

She looked up, "Well, congratulations are in order. The treatments have helped significantly and while you're not quite in the remission stage yet, there's a 97 chance it is going to happen."

Ashley stood with a slightly shocked look, unable to say anything for a few moments. Craig let out a half sigh, half laugh and instinctively gathered Ashley in his arms.

"That is such great news, thanks so much, doctor." he said after breaking apart from Ashley.

"Of course. Ashley I'm going to go ahead and run the blood tests we took today, but unless something comes out unusual or you have any sort of discomfort, which I highly doubt, I'm going to go ahead and schedule your next appointment for six months from now. Right now it's just a matter of your body completely healing and getting to remission, there's not much we can do in between except you enjoy being well again."

They thanked the doctor again and said their goodbyes. Walking out of the hospital, Craig put his arm around Ashley and rubbed her shoulder and Julia quietly observed her parents from Ashley's arms.

Craig kept glancing over at Ashley, "Hey, you okay? You haven't said much since the doctor told us the news."

Ashley presented a wobbly smile, "Yeah, it's just…weird I guess. Everything is getting to be too perfect, maybe I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop."

Craig stopped and put his hands on both of Ashley's shoulders, looking her directly in the eye, "I know that's how it's been in the past Ash, but things are going to change! You heard what the doctor said, you're okay! We're going to be okay."

Ashley smiled a more genuine smile this time, "I know. Thank you for everything, Craig. I don't know where I would be if you weren't right here with me the whole time. I love you so much."

He moved his hands to her face and kissed her, letting his lips linger on hers for a while before hearing Julia squeal in protest of being excluded, "I love you too. Come on, let's go home and start teaching Julia how to walk."

Ashley laughed, "Craig, things are going well but let's not get ahead of ourselves…"


End file.
